


Music Box

by Nina36



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 12:01:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nina36/pseuds/Nina36
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Willow raised her head, she got up from the bed, then said, "Right! Well...hmm...the reason we're all here tonight...is that I wanted to talk to you guys about Buffy and Giles"<br/>There was a moment of silence in the room, then Spike, voicing the thoughts of all the people in the room said, "Huh?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Music Box

~ W/S link ~ (just read to understand what the link is) / / * emphasis * / § flashbacks §  
PART 1: Setting things in motion. 

PROLOGUE  
****** JUNE 2000******  
"Do you have the foggiest idea, why we're here?" Xander Harris asked Spike.   
They were in a hotel outside Sunnydale, all gathered in a bedroom except for Buffy and Giles. The blonde vampire just shrugged then looking at him asked, "Do I look like I bloody know something about it? All I know is that Red, said this was a special meeting for the Scooby Gang...even for the reluctant members of it"  
"Yep Fang Boy, I know that...I read the note too!"  
"Did you? Really? Then why don't you just shut the hell up and wait like the rest of us?"  
"Jeez, Spike! Cranky Much?" commented Xander shaking his head. Anya snuggled against his neck, placing soft, hot kisses behind his ear, and he pretty much forgot what he was talking with the vampire about.   
Spike, just shook his head, then raising his voice asked, "Hey Red? Are you going to start talking anytime soon....say in this century? Not that I'm in a hurry...I'm dead after all, but the guys here" He pointed at Xander and Anya who were kissing on the armchair they were sitting on, "might have other plans for the night..."  
Willow raised her head, she got up from the bed, then said, "Right! Well...hmm...the reason we're all here tonight...is that I wanted to talk to you guys about Buffy and Giles"  
There was a moment of silence in the room, then Spike, voicing the thoughts of all the people in the room said, "Huh?"  
"Huh, indeed" Xander added.   
"W...well...I...I...think you all noticed what's going on between the two of them..."  
"That would be?" Xander asked, ignoring Spike's knowing glare. The blonde vampire was obviously understanding what Willow was referring to.   
"You know...Buffy and Giles......how they look at each other....how they touch each other...the adamant silences?" she said gesturing with her hands  
"That whole Father and Daughter crap?" Spike added without looking at Xander  
"Again I go with a huh?" Xander said looking at Willow.  
"Hmm...what I...I'm trying to say is that Buffy and Giles are..."  
"Hopelessly in love with each other?" Xander said, not quite believing it.  
"Yes!" both Spike and Willow said  
"Duh!" was all Anya said.  
"Are you sure about that?" Xander asked. The others just glared at him, "I mean there's a little sexual tension there.."  
The others kept glaring at him, Spike even raised his eyebrows. Xander nodded and said, "Ok, way too much sexual tension..." he stopped talking, then muttered, "Nice image...G-Man on hormone parade...that sure as hell is going to lull me to sleep tonight.." He shook his head and added, "but...didn't you see how they've been treating each other for the last year? How do you call it?"  
"Denial, stubbornness, pride, fear to be hurt...take your pick, kid..." Spike said lighting a cigarette.  
"Uhm...Spike? Would you please..?" Willow asked pointing at the cigarette.  
"Forget it, Red..." Spike mumbled, "I'm losing my favorite tv show right now, the least you can do is letting me smoke my cigarettes!"  
"Whatever" Willow said shaking her head. She took a deep breath then added, "I don't know what the rest of you think about it, but, I'm sick of this charade...you...you don't live with Buffy...you have no idea how hard it is!"  
"Like hell!" Spike snapped, "Red? I live with the Watcher, remember? Trust me, I bloody know how you feel!"  
Willow and Spike exchanged a look, then Willow getting close to him asked, "Pacing?"  
"He's going to wear a hole in the floor..." he smiled getting up from his chair, then added, "crankiness?"  
"Way too much for my taste…venting?" she placed her hands on her hips.  
"Endless! Moans in the night caused by very erotic *and* loud dreams?" he crossed his arms over his chest smiling.  
"Don't even go there, please! It's way embarrassing! Cold showers in the morning ?"  
"And in the afternoon, after training" he added.  
The others looked quite fascinated at the witch and the vampire, talking about God knew what...they had gotten closer and they were both smiling   
"We gotta do something, they've gotten to a point where..." she started  
"It's not even funny anymore..." he finished  
"Uhm...guys? Care to share with the rest of the class, here? Helloo?" Xander said waving at them.   
Willow and Spike were still looking at each other, they were both smiling. Spike couldn't help staring at the little witch. She usually seemed shy, but, now he could see fire and determination in her eyes. For a second he wondered how it would have been seeing that fire in her eyes in other circumstances.   
A female tap of cough made him start. Spike raised his head toward the noise, it was Tara, Willow's girlfriend. The young woman had approached them, she was behind Willow now.   
"Well? What are we going to do, now?" Tara asked, looking at him and placing a hand on Willow's shoulder.

Spike thought smiling. He shook his head and said, "I don't know, ask Red here..."  
"We need a plan" Willow stated firmly.  
"Duh! Thanks Will, we hadn't figured out that one!" Xander exclaimed. He didn't know whether Willow was right but he trusted her. Besides, he'd had his own suspicions about Buffy and Giles lately. Since they'd begun training together again, he'd felt a little awkward whenever he'd watched them.   
Awkward? Hell, from time to time he'd almost felt like a voyeur!  
"So, what are we going to do, Red? You called the meeting, it's up to you" Spike said  
Anya interrupted him saying, "We could make him jealous"  
Spike snorted, "After Poof boy, that Parker prick and GI Joe? Face it kids, that man is as thick as a bloody brick wall! He's jealous...rotten jealous, but he'd never show her..."  
"He has a point" Xander admitted.  
"Then we could make *her* jealous...she didn't like Olivia that much" Willow said  
"She told you that?" Xander asked  
"Hmm...I'd say she used more colorful words..." she mumbled  
Spike chuckled and muttered, "Bad Slayer..."   
He didn't know why it was so important to him that both the Slayer and the Watcher came to their senses and saw what they all had long ago noticed...that they belonged together.   
It wasn't like he cared for them...was it?  
Spike shook his head, suddenly uncomfortable with that thought. All he knew was that once he'd gotten Willow's note he'd rushed to the hotel, only to find the whole Scooby Gang there.  
What he couldn't understand was why he'd almost expected them to be alone ...and why the others' presence had upset him to no end.  
"We could tie them up and shove them in a closet" Anya muttered.  
"Yeah," Willow said, "Then we could take the longest run ever...she's the Slayer... and when he's angry tends to go..."  
"Ripperish?" Xander ended with a shrug  
"Yep" they all said.  
Anya shrugged and said, "I just wanted to help..."  
Xander patted her leg and said, "You're helping, love..."   
"Really?" she asked smiling   
"Really" he reassured her.  
She leaned toward him and kissed him. Spike followed the scene for a second, then shaking his head asked, "What about we just lead them to admit their feelings?"   
"Duh, Spike!" Xander said, stopping kissing Anya, "How insightful of you!"  
Six pair of eyes turned toward him in surprise, Xander looked around then asked, "W...what?"  
" 'Insightful' Xand? When did you learn this word?" Willow asked, surprised.   
"Contrary to popular belief Will, I actually managed to listen and learn when Giles talks...and just because I choose not to...."  
He was stopped by the other's laughters, at first he shook his head, then he started laughing too. When they recovered Spike said, "There's only a way, Red! You know that, I know that...we all know that!"  
They eyed each other for a second before saying in unison, "Magic"  
"Uh-Oh...that's *so* going to get us in trouble" Xander said.  
"Thanks for the vote of confidence" Willow wryly replied, she then approached Spike asking, "Which kind of spell are you thinking about? And since when are you into magic?"   
"I'm not into magic...it's just that I've seen enough of it over the last century...and I'm not dense" Spike said.  
"A love spell?" Tara asked  
"NO WAY IN HELL!" Spike shouted. He looked at Willow then marveling said, "No offence Red...but I don't think they need it..."   
"None taken Spike, and I think you're right...uhm...what about a Mental Reading thingie?"  
"Naa...as I said, he's too used to hiding his feelings...and she's pretty damn good at it too..."  
They both fell silent. They paced the room for some minutes, exchanging looks from time to time, then finally she stopped pacing and said, "A truth spell?"   
"It's got to be very powerful, Red. The bloody Watcher knows magic...you know..."  
"We can work something out..."  
"We?" Spike asked, he was all but blinking  
"Yes! Tara, Anya, you and me...we have to set it up very carefully"  
Spike looked at the young woman who was in front of him, losing himself for an instant in her eyes. Then something happened, he suddenly was able to feel her. Fragments of her thoughts invaded his mind, he could sense her, he narrowed his eyes thinking.  
~ Are you casting a spell on me, Red? Because I can't stop watching you...I don't want to...~  
Willow started, surprised to hear Spike's voice in her head. She couldn't understand what he was saying...but she could sense him.  
~ What's happening? Why can I hear you? ~  
She swallowed, when she clearly heard Spike's voice in her mind  
~I don't know, Willow. You tell me...we have to talk about this...~  
She blinked, surprised because Spike had actually used her name, instead of a nickname. She was going to say something when Xander interrupted her saying, "Hey...what I'm gonna do here?"  
Willow shook her head, trying to shake Spike's presence away from her mind and smiling at his friend said, "You? You Xand, are gonna set things in motion when everything is ready"  
"Alright..." Xander said smiling.  
They went on, planning. They'd decided to leave, when Spike lightly grabbed her wrist and asked, "Red, do you realize, that if this thing blows up in our faces we are going to face a very brassed off Watcher and a very brassed off Slayer, and that some of us could get intimately acquainted with a bloody stake?"  
Spike's voice had been serious, yet there was a teasing twinkle in his eyes. She smiled at him and said, "You've gotta give me some credit, Spike...I've improved a lot lately."  
"Yeah, we'll see." the others had reached the door and were waiting for them, Spike raised his voice and continued, "In the meantime, I'd like to have a word with you"   
He looked at Willow's friends and eyed them, then draping an arm around Willow's shoulders said, "Alone"

-1-

"Where the hell are they?" Buffy Summers asked, storming into Giles' apartment, the man followed her inside, then closed the door.  
They'd been out patrolling together. It had been ages since the last time. They'd had fun together. Buffy didn't want to think that for over a year she'd denied herself to be with him, to be close to him. They'd hurt each other so much, yet now things were gradually returning to normal...as normal as her life could be.  
"I suppose they didn't leave you a note, did they?" Giles asked   
"No...I can't believe they went out without me...but they brought Spike with them!" she said sitting on his couch.   
Giles took a deep breath and said, "I am sure they didn't mean to leave you out..." he headed toward the kitchen and asked, "Would you like some tea?"  
"Yeah...that would be nice, thanks..." she replied without looking at him. Giles smiled at his slayer. She looked stunning that night

 

Giles shook his head, while he put the kettle on. He could hear from the kitchen that Buffy was humming a song. He smiled recognizing it, she was listening to it a lot, lately. 

When I'm lost, you shine a light for me  
And set me free. When I'm low, you wash  
Away my tears and take me through the   
loneliness, and emptiness, through the   
darkest night, somehow I'll survive. 

At times he was surprised at how she could still enjoy herself...she was humming, after having dusted three vampires and killed a minor demon, and from her voice he could detect that she almost seemed happy. He slightly tensed when she hummed the following verse of the song...was it his imagination, or her voice had been louder?

Through it all, when you tell me I'm the  
only one you need, sweet and tenderly,   
and your love breaks away the clouds   
surrounding me All I have I wanna give to thee

He shook his head, pouring the hot liquid into two cups, he returned in the living room. Buffy was still sitting on the couch, her head arched, her eyes closed while she kept humming the song. He noticed though, that she was frowning, it almost looked like she was really listening to the song's words for the first time   
If I should fall, your love is strong enough,   
to lift me up. If I'm afraid, oh babe, you chase   
away my tears, and take me to, a brighter place,  
beyond the rain, and I feel alright, 'cause, you're  
By my side. Through it all, when you tell me I'm the   
the only one you need, sweet and tenderly, and your   
love breaks away the clouds surrounding me  
All I have I wanna give to thee.

Giles didn't know what to do, wondering whether she was thinking about Angel or Riley, her broke-up with Riley hadn't surprised him and he was glad she had reacted well to it, but, he was afraid, that perhaps, she was still suffering.   
Giles would have been utterly surprised whether he'd known, that neither Angel nor Riley had entered Buffy's mind while she had been singing. He would have been shocked, whether he had known that Buffy had been actually thinking of him, while singing.   
Buffy didn't know how it had started...or when, but she'd fallen in love with him. She smiled at herself, thinking that she couldn't be honest even to herself. She knew exactly how and when she'd realized she'd fallen in love with him. Oddly it had been his betrayal which had made her realize her feelings for him. Realizing her feelings and act on them, though, was another matter altogether.   
She had raised a wall between, she'd tried her best to distance him from her and she'd almost succeeded.   
She didn't want to risk losing him too, she had known that in her heart. Losing him was out of the question...so she had thought that if that time, she walked away, pain would have been less excruciating.  
She had been wrong. She had used and been used in the year, she'd tried to forget him, to move on, and in the end, she'd just managed to hurt them both and to love him more than she'd ever imagined could be possible

She opened her eyes and shook her head, surprised when she found Giles looking at her. He was leaning against a wall, he still had the cups in his hands, he was smiling and Buffy felt her heart was going to melt any minute...he was so beautiful.  
"W...what?" she eventually managed to ask, cursing herself for her cracked voice.   
"N...nothing" he said. He approached her and handed her a cup. She took the cup and mouthed a thank you.   
Giles sat next to her and sighed, Buffy watched him and asked, "Giles, are you alright?"  
"Oh, yes...yes I am, thank you." He said smiling. He shrugged and said, "I guess I am just a little tired."  
"Oh..." she murmured then she asked in a low voice, "Do you want me to leave?"  
"No!" he exclaimed, the marveling added, "You don't have to, Buffy...but perhaps you want to?"  
"Oh, no...not at all, I'm glad I'm here!" she said smiling  
"Fine..." he said smiling back at her. They sat, both sipping their tea, none of them talked for a long while, they were just enjoying each other's company. The silence wasn't awkward, but it wasn't pleasant either. They both wondered what the other was thinking.

Giles thought. He opened his mouth to tell something, but he closed it...he didn't want to risk upsetting her.

She cleared her throat, Giles turned toward her and raised his eyebrows, silently asking what was the matter. She shrugged, feeling suddenly very afraid. She knew she couldn't be in the same room with that man, without revealing her feelings, or at least part of them, so she said, "Hm...I think...I think I'd better go to the dorm...I want to ask Will where the hell she's been tonight"  
"Oh, yes...you'd better go, then." He said in a low voice. Buffy could see the hurt in his eyes. She silently swore

Giles got up from the couch and took the two cups, he headed toward the kitchenette without talking. Buffy rolled her eyes and got up, she followed him in the kitchenette and said, "Giles?"   
"Yes?" he said, without looking at her.  
"It's not that I don't want to stay here...because I want to..." she paused uncertain how to continue the sentence.  
Giles looked at her, surprised and said, "But?"  
"But?" she echoed.  
"It's not that you don't want to stay here, because you want to, but? I see a but coming in your sentence"  
"Oh yes...'but'! But it's very late...and I've classes tomorrow and... "  
"You know Buffy? You don't have to excuse yourself...if you want to leave you just have to say it. I understand, really."

She wondered. She shook her head, she got close to him and taking his hands in hers said, "Look Giles, I see another misunderstanding coming between us and I *so* don't want it. So for the record, I *want* to stay here, I *love* staying here...but believe it or not, I'm dead on my feet. I've been up last night because I had a test this morning and with the slaying and all...I'm really scratching the end of my barrel of slayer's stamina ..."  
Giles smiled at her words, and said, "All right, no misunderstandings then, just a very tired slayer..."  
"Way to go G-Man " she said smiling  
"Don't call me that" he quickly said, without even thinking. He chuckled at his own words, and she soon joined him, without thinking she freed her hands from his and she pulled him in a bear hug. Giles started at the beginning, he wasn't used to having his slayer in his arms beyond training, but he soon relaxed and he hugged her back. He caressed her hair and closed his eyes, smiling.  
He loved her. He didn't even try to deny those feelings anymore, not to himself, at least. The feeling of her body pressed against his, her scent almost brought tears to his eyes.   
He took a deep breath and stepped lightly back. He had to do it, he knew that if he'd held her a moment longer, he wold have done something utterly stupid like kissing her hair, thus revealing how he really felt about her, and how those feelings were not quite fatherly as Quentin Travers had labeled them.  
He cleared his throat and asked, "Do you want me to ..?"  
"Yes, thanks...I'd really appreciate a drive to the dorm" she said interrupting her   
"How do you know what I was going to ask you?" he asked surprised.   
"Can you keep a secret, Giles?" she asked in a teasing tone.  
"Y...yes, of course" he stuttered  
"Good...so can I..."   
"Ah, bloody, ah" he said  
She grinned and left the kitchenette saying, "Ain't you coming, Giles?"  
"Yes..." he said smiling.  
They were both outside Giles' house when she asked, "May I drive?"  
"Don't push your luck, young lady" he said in a menacing tone, yet his eyes were twinkling with joy  
"Pleeeeeeaseeeeeee?" she asked pouting.   
He stopped and looked at her, she was still pouting.   
He shook his head, "No way, Buffy."  
"Please Giles? Pretty please?" she asked again.   
Giles closed his eyes. How could he refuse something to her? Why did he still try to? He sighed and gave in, "All right!"  
She jumped and without thinking she kissed his cheek, taking the keys from his hand.   
When life had gotten so complicated?  
-2-  
"May I know, where the heck have all of you been tonight and why did you bring Spike with you?" Buffy asked once entered the room she shared with Willow.   
The witch was in her bed, already under her blankets, she was reading. She raised her head and without even flinching said, "Good evening, Buffy!"  
"Good evening, Will...and now would you tell me where have you been?"  
Willow smiled at her friend, they'd already decided what to tell her, so without hesitate said, "There was this new club outside Sunnydale, we've thought to go there."  
"With Spike?" she asked incredulous.  
"Yep..." she said. She closed her book and looked at her, trying to hide her amusement at the shocked look on her best friend's face.  
"With Spike?" she repeated.  
"Yes Buffy, with Spike. It's been Anya's idea."  
Buffy blinked and asked, "Why with Spike?"  
"There are other words in our language, you know?" she said.   
She was still smiling, she placed the book on her nightstand and said, "Mouth looks better closed Buffy...as for Anya's idea" the young witch yawned then sleepily said, "Beat me, I have no idea...Spike looked surprised too..." she closed her eyes and asked, "And what about you? We tried to reach you, but we didn't find you.."  
"I..." she paused, “I'm going to take a shower..."  
Willow just nodded. Once Buffy went into the bathroom, the girl muttered turning off the light, "She's been at Giles'"   
~ So Willow, what do you say, we've got a deal? ~  
Willow closed her eyes, when she heard Spike's voice in her head. She squeezed them shut ignoring the pounding in her heart, remembering what had happened after the others had left the hotel's room.   
§   
Xander had assured her they were going to wait for them in the hallway, but when they'd closed the door, Willow had been scared senseless. She hadn't been scared of Spike, she knew he couldn't harm her. She had been scared of what had switched between them that night.   
Spike had looked at her for some seconds, Willow hadn't moved though, she'd held her head high. She'd sensed that Spike didn't want to scare her, he'd just been curious. Finally Spike had gotten close to her and had asked, "What are you doing to me, Willow?"  
She had heard his other silent question  
~ Are you casting a bloody spell on me, Willow? ~  
"I'm not casting a spell on you!" she had exclaimed.  
"Then why can you hear my thoughts?" Spike had softly asked.   
"I...I don't know, Spike." She had said lowering her head. Spike had gently touched her shoulder, forcing her to raise her head, Spike had smiled at her, then had said, "I'm not complaining..."  
"Aren't you?" she had managed to ask. She had blinked then had asked, "Why aren't you complaining?"   
He had shook his head, not answering to her question and had got closer to her. His hand on her bare shoulder had been cold, yet it had seemed like fire on her skin...his glare had been like fire, she had been sure in fact, her cheeks were burning. 

She took a deep breath, Spike frowned and asked, "Why are you afraid of me, Willow? You know I can't hurt you"  
"W...why...you keep calling me like that?" she had asked looking at him, yet for the first time since they'd known each other, she hadn't been afraid of him.   
"Like what?" he had softly asked.  
He had been close, so close to her.   
"Willow..." she had breathed  
Spike had smiled and had said, "It's your name, isn't it?"  
"You've never..." she had started.  
"Maybe, I want to now ..." he had said, looking at her. Their glares had fixed for an instant, then Spike had taken possession of her mouth.  
He hadn't parted open her lips, he hadn't needed to force her. Willow had immediately responded to his kiss.  
If someone had asked her, how a kiss between them could have been, besides the obvious 'eeeeew' she'd have answered that fire would have met ice.  
She would have been wrong.  
It had been all fire. Fire which had flowed into her veins like volcano's lava. Her skin had burned under his gentle touch. He hadn't touched her breasts or bottom, he'd just caressed her back and her shoulders, the nape of her neck, then his hands had been on her hair, her neck. She'd touched him as well, caressing his hair, his shoulders, his back.   
It hadn't mattered that his heart hadn't been beating. Hers had begun beating for the two of them.   
For a second she'd forgotten he was a vampire, the same vampire who had kidnapped her, threatened her. She'd forgotten Tara, Buffy, Giles, Xander, Anya, Sunnydale.  
For a second Spike's mouth, skin, taste had been all that had mattered to her. He'd eventually gently pulled away from her and placing his cool lips against her burning forehead had whispered, "Breathe Willow..."  
She'd closed her eyes and had rested her head against his shoulder, inhaling his scent, taking deep breaths. She'd felt Spike's hand gently caressing her hair while he'd pulled her closer to him with the other hand. She'd closed her eyes and had whispered against the thin fabric of his shirt, "What's just happened?"  
Spike had squeezed his eyes shut when he'd felt Willow's hot breath through the fabric of his shirt. He didn't know what had happened. He'd always thought the red-headed witch was attractive, he'd always liked her...he'd never even thought about kissing her though. Thinking about her lips and the green fire in her eyes, feeling her warm body pressed against his, he'd wondered why it had taken so long for him to kiss her.   
Yet he hadn't been able to really explain to her what had switched between them that night, so he had placed a kiss on her forehead and had said, "We've just kissed each other, luv "  
She had giggled against his chest then, tickling it with her breath, Spike had smiled, soon joining Willow in a full laughter, when they'd both recovered Willow had raised her head and had said, "I don't know what to say..."  
"I should be the one saying that..." he had commented.  
"Probably" she had said smiling.  
"I should feel sorry" he had continued.  
"Yes, you should." She had softly said, still smiling.  
"But I'm not.." he had said.   
"Ain't you?" she had asked surprised, not understanding why that had made her heart beat faster.  
"Not even a bit, luv. I enjoyed it." he had looked at her for a second, then had asked, "And what about you?"  
"M...me? W...what about me? I...I have a girlfriend, I'm a lesbian in fact, sorta... and I love her and she's waiting for me in the hallway with my best friend, her ex demon girlfriend and you're a blonde vampire...with a twisted sense of humor and..." She had stopped talking, noticing Spike's raised eyebrows and his amused smile, her own smile had widened when she had quickly said, "wouldyoukissmeagainplease?"   
"I thought you'd never ask" he said in a husky voice.  
"Just shut up and kiss me, Spike!" she had breathed, before kissing him as if her life depended on it.  
When they had broken the kiss Willow had managed to say, panting, "We'd better go, I wouldn't want you to get intimately acquainted with a stake..."  
Spike had chuckled but he hadn't let go of her. He had grazed her hair with his fingers and had said, "You’re right, luv..."  
"Yeah..." she had breathed. Just then Xander had knocked on the door saying, "Will? Are you finished there?"  
They'd looked at each other for an instant, smiling, then she had cleared her throat and had said raising her voice, "Yeah, Xander, we're finished"  
They'd reluctantly pulled away from each other then she'd reached the door and had opened it, when she'd heard him in her head, his voice had been so clear, that for a second she had thought Xander had heard him too.  
~ Don't bet on it. We're long from finished...when all this matter is solved, we're going continue this, luv ~   
She'd stiffened for a second then she'd followed Xander outside. She hadn't heard him, nor he had spoken, only when she'd gotten out from Xander's car he had spoken again, for all to hear, "So Red, what do you say, we've got a deal?"  
Willow had ignored him.  
§  
~ So Willow? We've got a deal? ~  
Spike's voice repeated. Willow, sighed, tracing her lips with trembling fingers. She yawned then mumbled, "I guess we have"  
While sleep enveloped her, she heard him loud enough to make her open her eyes  
~YES!~  
Willow Rosenberg smiled in the darkness of her bedroom, closing her eyes she mumbled, "Yes, indeed."  
"You said something, Will?" Buffy sleeply asked her friend.  
Willow, though, was already asleep, a light Cheshire cat smile on her lips.  
-3-

The following days were very busy for the Scooby Gang. Not only they were researching information on a demon Buffy had seen the night after the meeting at the hotel, but they were also looking for a couple of powerful spells to cast on Buffy and Giles and the perfect place for what they were calling "the luv trap"   
They talked about it whenever Buffy or Giles weren't with them. They couldn't risk to make mistakes, not only because of Buffy's strength or Giles' anger, but because they feared their friends would have gotten too scared to ever think about voicing their feelings and mostly because they didn't want to ruin the friendship between the two of them.   
They were all in Xander's basement. Willow had finally found the perfect spells, they were now discussing the location.  
"What about the dorm?" Xander asked.  
"Too many bloody people" Spike muttered, trying his best not to look at Willow, who looked absolutely stunning in his opinion that evening.   
"He's right Xand...and besides, how the hell can we make Giles enter the dorm?" Willow said forcing herself not to look at Spike and not quite succeeding. He was so beautiful that evening that it almost took her breath away.  
"Alright...." Xander said.  
"Your basement?" Anya asked  
Xander looked around and said, "Love, you're kidding, right?"  
Anya looked around and asked, "Why? I love this place!"  
"No pet, you love *him* , is different" Spike said looking at her.  
Anya scowled and said, "So? You're not in love with....?"  
"Ok, kids..." Spike said interrupting her, trying not to sound upset and not quite succeeding.   
He wasn't in love with Willow...it wasn't possible, it was a laughable thing...wasn't it?

An inner voice murmured, and he was pretty damn sure it wasn't Willow's. He shook his head and added, "So far, we've scratched from our list the graveyard, the mansion, Joyce's house, the dorm and Xander's basement...what's left? "  
"Giles' house?" Tara, who had been silent 'til then asked  
"Too many magic books..." Willow said  
"That wouldn't be a problem we could move them while they're out patrolling" Spike said matter-of-factly  
"I can't put a spell on the whole house!" Willow exclaimed  
~ You can do everything Willow, keep that in mind ~   
Spike's silent support made her smile, yet she said, "There are too many bad memories in that house"  
"About time to start with good ones, then..." Spike said.  
"If only we still had the library" Xander complained.   
"Yeah it would be so right for them to..." Willow stopped talking.   
Spike who was in front of her, noticed a sudden light sparkle in her eyes. He smiled without even realizing it. He'd gotten to know and love that look. It meant she was excited over something.

He reached for the cigarettes in his pocket and he lit one, hating that his hands were lightly shaking.  
"Spike?" Willow's voice was gentle but firm.  
"What?" he snapped.  
Willow pointed at the cigarette, Spike shook his head and said, "No way! I can't feed, can't watch the telly, I'm helping the slayer and the watcher and I'm..." he stopped before he finished his sentence, Willow caught it, though. She gasped.  
~ I'm kind of falling in love with you, witch! I've every right to smoke a cigarette ~  
"W...what?" she asked aloud.  
"You heard it all, Red...just get over it, I'm smoking my cigarette!" Spike said, happy of how cool and detached his voice had sounded.   
"Uhm...w...whatever..." she replied.   
~ You're falling in love with me? ~   
She silently asked. Spike didn't answer, though. He just got up from his chair and said Xander, "Look mate, you sleep here, I'm going outside to smoke. You face death everyday with the slaying, let's don't tempt fate, ok?"   
Xander nodded surprised. Willow got up, but Spike's voice stopped her.  
~ Don't even try following me, Willow! Weren't you in love with Tara last time we both checked?~  
Willow closed her eyes for a second, when she reopened them, Spike had left the basement. She then turned toward her friends and said, "I've got an idea...it will be a big, powerful spell...it's a bit tricky but I think that with Anya and Tara's help, it could actually work. "  
"What do you want to do?" Xander asked.  
"I want to recreate the library..." she happily said.  
"You want what?" Tara asked  
"I want to recreate the library..." she slowly repeated.  
"How? Will, no offence...you're a terrific witch and all...but this isn't Star Trek, ya know? There's no holodeck...you can recreate the library just like that!"  
~ Don't listen to him, Willow...remember, you can do everything ~   
Spike's voice, was soothing, it erased all her doubts.  
~ Are you still there? ~  
She asked quite surprised  
~ Yeah Luv, I'm not leaving anytime soon...unless your slayer friend dusts me, when she finds out what's going on...~  
Spike's voice had held a teasing, happy tone, but she could sense he was actually worried.  
~ I'll protect you ...~  
She silently told him. She didn't hear him reply, but a few seconds later, he returned Xander's basement. He had a cocky grin plastered on his face.  
"So let me see if I got it right, you want to re-build the library?" Xander asked.  
She smiled and said, "I didn't mean I'm going to re-build the library...I'm saying that it's what they're going to see...we just have to choose a room"  
"You're sure you can do that, Will?" Xander asked at the same time  
This time, when she replied, she didn't care, whether anyone noticed she was looking straight into Spike's eyes.   
"Yes, Xand. I'm sure..."  
-4-

Buffy was sure her friends were hiding something from her. She was more than sure, actually. They were all in Giles' apartment. Giles was in his bedroom, changing for patrolling. Buffy was checking on her weapons then putting them in her bag. They were all looking at her, when they weren't planning ...whatever they were planning. 

She shook her head and sighed. Her instinct told her that her friends and the vampire were planning something, though she had no idea what. She was going to talk to Giles about that, during patrol.   
She was sure he had sensed something too. She closed her bag and turned toward her friends, she caught Spike and Willow exchanging a look.

Buffy shook her head, again. She was about to ask them something, when Giles came back from his bedroom. He was wearing an old pair of jeans and a black sweater.  
Her heart began pounding in her chest, she smiled though while getting close to him and teased, "You know? At times I almost miss the tweed..."   
"Really?" he asked, smiling. Buffy nodded. "May I know, why?" Giles asked, his face was serious, but in his eyes she could read amusement.  
"No, Giles...I don't think so..." she all but purred.

Giles had blinked at Buffy's words. If the mere thought of it hadn't been so ridiculous, he'd have thought she was flirting with him.

"Hm...I...I think w...we should go, now." He finally said.  
"I think you're right...Duty calls." Buffy said in a low voice. 

"We're going" she said to her friends.   
Spike raised his head from the book he'd been reading and said, "Yeah, ducks! We'd figured this one out..." he then swiftly lowered his head returning to read the book.   
Buffy noticed he was smiling and lightly shaking his head, if she'd turned she'd have noticed a similar smile on Willow's face.  
"Keep researching" Giles admonished him from behind Buffy's shoulders.   
"Yeah, watcher, whatever you say..." Spike muttered without even raising his head, he was still smiling.  
"Ya sure I can't kill him, Giles?" Buffy asked looking at him.  
"We've already talked about that, Buffy..." he said opening the door and gesturing her out.   
"Yeah, right..." she mumbled getting out from the house, Giles quickly followed and closed the door behind him.  
Willow closed her book. She got up from her seat and went to the window. Buffy and Giles were still talking, actually they were both laughing at something Buffy had said.  
~ Maybe we won't need the spell, did you hear her, Willow? She was about to shag him right here, against the wall.. ~  
Spike silently told her, amused.  
~ Probably, but we can't take risks...~  
~ And besides, there's still our deal, right, Willow? ~  
~ Spike? Just shut up, please! ~  
~ Yes, luv ...by the way did I tell you how lovely you look tonight? ~  
Willow blushed, glad she was turning her back at her friends, she closed her eyes and silently stuttered   
~ T...thanks. You...uh...l...look quite...uh... n...nice y...yourself! Aw...great! Now I begin stuttering in my mind! ~  
They all looked at Spike when he suddenly chuckled. He covered his mouth with his hand and looking at them snapped, "What! Am I still free to chuckle if I want to, aren't I?"  
"Sure Fang Boy..." Xander muttered, then shook his head, Spike never ceased to amaze him.  
Anya had a strange expression on her face, she looked at both Spike and at Willow before returning to flipping the pages of the book she’d been reading, lightly shaking her head.   
Tara shrugged uncomfortably, suddenly feeling like a third wheel. She was going to talk to Willow, after they’d cast the spell.   
Willow sighed when Giles’ car finally left the street. Her heart began beating faster in her chest when she heard Spike’s voice in her mind.  
~ You know Willow? I like you when you stutter ~  
Willow who had kept staring at window, turned toward them and said smiling, "Ok, they've gone...it's time to begin!"  
They all looked at her, though no one but Tara, noticed that Willow’s smile, matched Spike's

-5-  
It was a beautiful, warm night, there were many stars, and the moon bathed everything in a silver light. The two people in the graveyard, though, had no time to appreciate the night's beauty, busy as they had been in fighting six vampires.   
"When did they learn kick boxing?" Buffy said, after dusting one of them.   
Giles, was by her side, punching one of the attacking vampires on the jaw. He sighed and said, "I don't know, Buffy...and actually I don't want to find out how extensive their knowledge is" He raised a hand and Buffy quickly handed him a stake, which Giles used to dust the vampire.   
They slightly parted and Buffy asked, "How many of them?"  
"Two" he said panting.  
"Ok, I take the blonde one..." she said pointing at a blonde vampire who was approaching them  
"I take the other.." Giles said matter-of -factly   
He heard a crash, a growl, then Buffy approached him and said, "Duh, Giles! I bet you were a genius in math!"  
He staked the vampire without much effort, then handing the stake to Buffy said, "Actually yes, though I hated it, with a passion"  
"My, my...I can't believe it!" she said smiling at him. She wanted to talk to Giles about their friends behavior, she opened her mouth to speak, but the familiar tingle in her stomach announced her the presence of a vampire nearby. She tensed for a second, she rolled her eyes then turning around, she said aloud, "C'mon oh big, ugly and scary bloodsucker, rise and shi…er growl, you don't really want me to come looking for ya? Do you?"  
Giles shook his head. It never ceased to amaze him, how his slayer managed to actually find amusement in her slaying. He actually thought some of the things she said to those vampires before dusting them were really funny.  
"Aw...c'mon...are you afraid of me?" she mocked, taking some steps forward. "I'm just a little slayer..." She added faking a frightened voice.   
The vampire came out from behind a grave, he was growling. Buffy turned toward Giles and lightly shrugged her shoulders, before focusing her attention on the vampire.  
"You know?" she said getting closer to him, "You guys *so* need to work on your communication's" she punched the vampire square in the face "skills!"   
The vampire stepped back. Buffy began punching him, until the vampire fell on the ground and she staked him. Giles approached her and said, amusement evident in his voice, "You know, Buffy? I almost felt sorry for him...he didn't even know what hit him"  
Buffy looked at him and smiled, she took a bow, then raising her head said, "A slayer...to your service!"   
Giles shook his head, chuckling and said, "Come on...I daresay, you've done your job for tonight..."  
"Thank you..." she dryly commented, they were near the car when she said, "Uhm...Giles? There's something I need to talk you about on the way home"  
Giles couldn't help smiling at her words. Did she really see his home as hers as well? His smile quickly faded, though. He couldn't indulge in the luxury of thinking of her like that. He couldn't let his feelings escape from the corner of his soul, where they lived...it was dangerous, too dangerous. Yet he was so tired of ignoring them   
He loved her. He loved Buffy Summers, with his life. God knew whether he had tried to fight against those feelings. In the beginning, he’d felt so ashamed of them. When he’d met her, she was barely sixteen, while he was in his forties. He’d felt like an old dirty man. He’d felt ashamed because he was her Watcher. He was supposed to watch *over* her, but he soon found himself staring *at* her.   
He sighed while getting in the car. There were days where he couldn’t be next to her without feeling a dull ache in his soul, right where he hid his feelings for her. There were nights when he couldn’t help turning and tossing in his bed, worried about her….about her safety.   
There were moments, just like that, where he needed her so much that it was almost unbearable for him to ignore the love he felt for her, nights where his heart beat too fast, nights when each fiber of his being longed to touch her, to hold her tight to him. Yet, he kept being silent. He kept being Giles, watcher, mentor, friend.   
He shook his head when he sat in the car, and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a shaky breath, "Are you alright?" she asked  
Giles turned toward the girl...

He shook his head and said, "I'm a little sore, that's all" he smiled at her, and she smiled back at him, whispering, "Fine..."  
"And you? Are you all right?" he asked looking her, concerned.  
"I'm fine..." she reassured him. She reached his hand and squeezed it for a second before letting go of it. Giles swallowed and started the car.  
They were both quiet for a while, then he suddenly asked, "What did you want to talk to me about?"  
Buffy, who was looking at the window, turned toward him "Uh?"   
"You said you...."  
"Oh, yes!" she exclaimed. She took a deep breath then asked, "Ok, maybe I'm paranoid...but...didn't you notice something strange?"  
He surprised her saying, "Here on the Hellmouth? Naa..!"  
She chuckled at his words and said, "Ok, let's be more specific...did you notice something strange in the gang?"  
It was Giles' turn to chuckle, Buffy shook her head, "Besides the usual weirdness..."  
Giles frowned and said, "Actually, yes. Why?"  
"What did you notice?" Buffy asked.  
"They look like they're hiding something from us.." he said.  
"Did you notice that, too?" Buffy asked. She didn't know whether to be relieved she hadn't been paranoid, or furious at them, for hiding something from her.   
"Yes, I did." He said. He’d noticed how their friends’ conversations abruptly ended whenever Buffy or him, entered a room. He’d had suspicions, but had dismissed them, as Buffy he didn’t know whether to be relieved or angry at them.  
"Willow and Spike keep glancing at each other" Buffy said.   
"Yes, I noticed that..." he said nodding.  
"They're meeting without telling us..." she whispered.  
"What for?" Giles asked surprised.  
"I have no idea, Giles. Whenever I ask Willow something, she just says they've been out...and that they couldn't reach me."  
"I'm sure there is a valid explanation, Buffy" he reassured her.  
"Yeah, right..." she said. She couldn't hide, fear and hurt in her voice.   
Giles, though, once again surprised her, saying, "Don't even think that, Buffy! They're not cutting you out!"  
Giles stopped the car, they were in front of his house. The man turned toward her and said, "They are not cutting you out, Buffy. I am absolutely sure there is a valid explanation to their behavior"  
"How did you know what I was thinking?" she asked surprised.  
Giles smiled and leaning toward her whispered against her ear, "Can you keep a secret?"  
Buffy smiled, delighted for the close contact and the feeling of his hot breath against her ear. She swallowed and said, "Yes, of course..."  
Though she didn't see it, she heard Giles' smile in his voice when he said, "Well, so can I..."  
His lips caressed the soft skin of her earlobe for an instant with his lips. It took all her Slayer's strength not to jump for the surprise. 

Giles, who was oblivious, of Buffy's thoughts, was looking at her, with a look akin horror in his face.

He didn't know what to say and he doubted he could even utter a word in that moment, without embarrassing himself. Eventually he asked, "Do you want me to drive you to the dorm?"  
Buffy all but jumped when she said, "What?"  
"Do you want me to..." he started  
"Oh...yes, thank you...but, I've to grab some things inside" she said pointing at Giles' house.   
"Good, and I'd really mind a cup of tea" he said.   
"Well, I guess we gotta go, then..." she whispered.  
"Yes, I guess we should." He replied.   
They didn't talk for a while, then Buffy stepped out from the car leaving Giles alone. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Great..."  
He quickly followed her outside, none of them noticed Xander, hidden behind a car. The young man made sure they had reached the porch before he whispered in a walkie talkie, "They’re here…it’s time, Will!"  
-6-

"They’re here, it’s time, Will" Xander’s voice came from the walkie-talkie. Willow took a deep breath before looking at Anya, Tara and Spike.  
They were hiding in the mansion, after endless debating they’d decided to perform the spells there.   
She swallowed and looked at Anya who began chanting, casting the spell to lock all the doors of Giles’ house once they entered.   
She looked at Tara. The woman nodded and began chanting the truth’s spell.  
Willow’s spell was the most difficult. She slowly began chanting, closing her eyes, focusing her mind on the library.   
She could almost see it through Buffy and Giles’ eyes.   
She blocked Spike’s out of her mind, and she was glad when he didn’t try to enter it. She felt his presence, though, and she was comforted by it. 

She thought while chanting. The three women got closer and held hands while chanting.  
Spike looked amazed at the three women chanting the spells. He could feel the magic, almost smell it. He grinned, when electricity filled the air…the Watcher and the Slayer were in for a hell of a ride.  
He was looking forward to seeing what was going to happen. 

-7-  
"Oh, my God!" Buffy exclaimed, when Giles switched on the lights. They were in the library...or rather, an exact replica of the library.  
She turned toward him and looked at him asking, "What the hell is going on?"  
Giles was looking around, he tried to open the door but it was locked. He shook his head and took some steps forward looking around amazed, then turning toward Buffy he said, "I can't believe it."  
"I second that..." she whispered getting close to him, Giles noticed she had tears in her eyes.   
"Are you all right, Buffy?" he asked concerned.  
"Yes, I am. It's just..." she took a deep breath, then said in a cracked voice, "I really miss this place..."  
"Me too..." he admitted.  
Buffy turned toward him and smiled, she then took some steps forward and began looking around, tears were now rolling on her cheeks, Giles got close to her and asked, "Why are you crying?"  
"Life was so easy...I could...pretend...it was enough for me to see you here...the library was my safety net" she blinked, realizing what she'd just told him.  
Giles looked at her surprised and asked, "A safety net from what if I may ask?"  
"For what I felt for you" she blinked again and looking at him asked, "Did I just said *that* out loud?"  
Giles just nodded, not trusting his voice...or his mind for the matter. It was quite obvious they were under the effect of various spells…and it was quite clear to him who had cast them. He just wondered the reason for casting them.   
"Way to go, Buffy!" she said out loud, then closed her eyes and shook her head.  
"I think we're under the effect of some spells?" he stated, though it came out as a question.  
"Duh, Giles! And I was thinking the library had come to pay a visit to us!" She opened her eyes and looked at him.   
Giles chuckled and managed to say, "You know Buffy? I really love your sense of humor"  
He stopped chuckling and looked at her. Buffy got close to him and asked, "Do you?"  
"Yes…how could I not?" he stopped and shook his head then whispered, "Please, Buffy...don't ask me any questions...you might not like the answers..."   
"Try me..." she said, grazing his forearm. Giles jerked away and almost shouted, "Don't touch me!"  
Buffy dropped her hand and snapped, "Fine!"   
Giles sighed, that didn't go unnoticed to Buffy, who looked at him and said, "Why don't you just tell me the truth? You can do it, now. You can spit out how much you hate me, for what I did to you!"  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked. He was confused, how could she really think he hated her?  
"Are you deaf now, Giles?" She asked getting closer to him. She took him by his shoulders and hissed against his face, "You can tell it, now! You can finally tell me how much you hate me for Jenny's death, for what you went through with Angelus because of me..."  
"What?" he managed to say. Buffy's grip on his shoulders was beginning to be painful, Buffy wasn't paying attention, though. She was looking at him, "C'mon Giles, just spill it...you hate me, don't you?"  
"Buffy, I could ever hate you...and now would you please let go of my shoulders? You are hurting me!"  
"It's not what I do best? You probably think I get a kick out of it, by now, don't you?" She said. She was bitterly smiling. She let go of Giles' shoulders and stepped back shaking her head. Giles got close to her and said, "Buffy..."  
"Don't!" she shouted, "You can't lie now, so don't even try to...you're right! I might not like what you'd say!"  
She turned her back to him and headed toward his office, Giles' voice made her stop on her tracks when he said, "Running as usual, Buffy?"  
She turned around and looked at him. Giles was approaching her, a strange look in his green eyes, "I thought, you had figured out that running doesn't solve problems..."  
"I need to be alone..." she mumbled.  
"Oh, yes...you often do..." he started.   
"Giles..." she tried to interrupt him, but he went on saying, "Too bad that in the process of mending your own wounds you hurt all the people who love you..."  
Though she wanted to, she didn't lower her head, she kept looking at him. Giles sat on the big table and shrugged, "I don't blame you for that, though. Believe it or not, even your old, stuffy, *gross* former Watcher, has been young..."   
"You're not old..." she said in a low voice.  
"Oh, yes, I am..." he mumbled  
"No you're not...and you aren't *gross *, you could ever be..." she said in a small voice.  
"Then why...?" he began.  
"Gee Giles, luckily you haven't ever been that dense as a watcher!" she said shaking her head.  
Buffy almost laughed at the puzzled look he flashed her. She took a deep breath and got close to him, sitting beside him on the table, she looked at him and asked, "Do you want to know why I've been a bitca with you last year?"  
"Yes, I'd really like to know..." he said, crossing his arms over his chest then added, "And you weren't a..."  
"Yes I was" she said interrupting him.  
Giles shook his head. He sighed then said, "No Buffy, you weren’t. You were pretty self-centered, you looked like you didn't care whether I was hurting or not ...but you weren't a 'bitca' "  
"Feel free to contradict me anytime" she replied dryly. Giles smiled and asked, "So?"   
"I was scared, Giles. I was scared senseless. I didn't have the library, the high school, the council, Angel...there was nothing where I could hid behind."  
"Hiding from what? And why did you feel the need to hide, anyway?"  
"Hiding from you" she said in a low voice.  
"Uh?" was all that Giles managed to say. She looked at him and shook her head saying, "You're surprised?"  
"Bloody shocked would be more accurate." He said, then shook his head at his words.   
She chuckled then said, "Imagine how bloody shocked *I* was, when I realized I was in love with you" she then covered her mouth with her hand and silently cursed.   
Giles blinked.

He lightly shook his head and looked at her

He blinked again

"I..." he began.  
"Doesn't it matter, Giles. I know you don't love me. I mean, I know you love me as a friend, because I didn't buy for a second Travers' crap about you loving me as a daughter. I know you care about me, though I'd be damned if I know why! I mean, how could you after last year?"  
"Uhm...Buffy?" he asked, he couldn't hide a smile.  
She wasn't listening to him, though. She was still talking, "It's okay, I understand you, really. I admit it, sometimes I don't love myself that much..."  
"Buffy?" he tried again, in a gentle tone, but, Buffy was continuing her tirade, "Just don't say it out loud, please. Unfortunately, my slayer's stamina doesn't extend on my feelings and..."  
A loud whistle, interrupted her. She turned toward him, her eyes were bright with unshed tears, she swallowed and asked in a cracked voice, "What?"  
"I love you too..." he said  
"You 'what' me?" she asked, her voice still cracked, she couldn’t help some tears falling down her cheeks.   
"I. Love. You." He repeated, stressing each word, with soft kisses on her face, drying them   
"How can you?" She asked arching her head. Giles took it between his hands and looking at her asked, "How could I not?"  
"I'm selfish" she said, caressing his face  
"Sometimes..." he said smiling.  
"Gee, Giles...thank you!" she replied, but she was smiling too.   
"It's not a bad selfishness...you just know when to draw a line. Your calling took away so much from you, but you don't let yourself getting eaten up by it."  
She swallowed, unable to stop the new tears which were swelling in her eyes. Giles pulled her closer in a tight embrace and whispered against her hair, "You made mistakes, but what about mine? You asked me how could I love you...and what about you? How can you love me after..."   
Buffy stopped him, raising her head and placing a kiss on his lips. It was a tender, loving kiss, when she parted from him whispered, "I don't care. It doesn't matter!"  
Giles shook his head and said, "It does, Buffy. It does matter..."  
Buffy shook her head and whispered, "You really want to win this one, don't ya? Alright, we've hurt each other, but this little trip to Guiltapalooza ends here and it ends *now* !"   
She kissed again on his lips, then said, "We've hurt each other, yet now we're here, whatever *here* is, into each other's arms...don’t you see a pattern hidden here, somewhere?"   
Giles had to smile at her words, Buffy smiled back and said, "I love you Rupert Giles. It took me forever to admit it, even to myself. I've been territorial and jealous, I've been a slut" she covered his mouth with her hand when he tried to object and said, "Yes, Giles...I've been a real pain in the ass. I've mastered in the art of denial. I ached to be with you, yet I sent you away."  
Giles lightly grabbed her hand, he pulled it away from his mouth then asked, "Why?"  
"I had to Giles. Don't you understand? I couldn't allow myself to love you. You're the most important person in my life...you know everything about me...everything. I can be myself with you...I feel *whole* with you, I feel safe with you" she stopped talking and shrugged, shaking her head.   
Giles caressed her cheeks and gently said, "But?"  
Buffy sighed then whispered, " *But* I always lose the people I love. I don't know why, maybe it's a special 'Slayer jinx ' or maybe it's just my life which sucks big time, what I know...is that I couldn't and can't lose you...so I thought that if this time *I* didn't screw things up, showing my love, you wouldn't have left, you would have been safe..." she paused then added, uncertainty in her voice, "am I making any sense here?"   
"Uhm...yes...I think." He said, not trusting his voice.  
"Good..." she said, then sighed. She swallowed then said in a cracked voice, "Of course being Buffy, the queen of screws up...I nearly lost you anyway...and I'm so sorry Giles..."  
"I thought you said that we had to stop with the guilt trips?" he said raising his eyebrows at her.  
Buffy laughed at his words, she leaned against his shoulders and closed her eyes. She felt Giles' hands slowly stroking her hair, his steady heartbeat, his spicy smell and suddenly it was too much for her to bear, tears began spilling on her cheeks. She buried her face in Giles' chest sobbing, letting go of four years of denial, hurt, guilt, and love. She felt Giles' strong arms pulling her closer to him, she wrapped her arms around his waist and hung onto him for dear life.  
"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..." she kept whispering in his chest, between sobs  
Giles closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair. He was crying too, though, he didn't realize it. He had loved her for so long, without even hoping she could love him back, that her words kept bringing tears in his eyes. Throughout the years he’d been by her side. He’d seen her falling in love with other men. He’d comforted her when she was hurting. He’d held her when she cried. Never had he thought about himself in those moments. Her happiness had always been the most important thing for him. Her happiness had been his, as well, and now Buffy was telling him she loved him, he couldn't believe how lucky he was.   
He took a deep breath and cleared his throat, he then took her face in his hands and gently forced her to raise it. He looked at her for a long time before saying, "I love you so much, Buffy...so much that it sometimes hurts, do you know what I mean?"   
She just nodded and sniffed, smiling when he wiped tears away from her face with shaking fingers. She took his hand in hers and placed it on her chest, above her heart saying, "It hurts here, sometimes...when I look at you...and what I want to do is just hold and be held by you...when all that I want...all that I crave.."  
"Crave?" he asked surprised  
"Yeah, yay me, Watcher..." she said smiling.  
"Yay" he whispered.  
Buffy shook her head and threw her arms around Giles' neck, laughing. She was still laughing when she raised her head and looking at him said, "I *so* love you, ya know?"  
"Yes, I think I know, now." He said, thinking he could lose himself in her eyes.  
"Yup, it looks like..." she said. She looked at him and said, "You know, Giles? We've admitted our feelings to each other, we've had our little angstfest, we've cried, laughed...but..."  
"We haven't kissed each other..." he finished for her.  
"Yet..." she added.   
"Yet" he echoed  
"So, will you kiss me ?" she asked  
"Right here? On this table?" he asked  
"Why not?" she said shrugging.  
"I'm about to fulfill, one of my wildest fantasies..." He breathed against her mouth, before he kissed her. The kiss was gentle at first, but it soon grew with intensity. Giles felt Buffy's hands under his sweatshirt, caressing his bare shoulders and back, her nails gently scratching his skin.   
He was almost afraid to touch her, still afraid all of it was just another wonderful dream, afraid she would just burst like a bubble if he touched her and besides he was too mesmerized by the taste of her lips, by the feeling of their tongues meeting, teasing each other's. He touched her, eventually, he gently caressed her lightly arched back, her waist, he hesitantly placed a hand on her left breast. He could feel her heart beating fast, so fast under his palm, he lightly stroked her nipple through the fabric of her sweater, Buffy arched against him and lowered her hand to touch his bottom.   
Giles squeezed his eyes shut, deepening the kiss for an instant before he reluctantly pulled away from her, only then he realized that somehow they'd end up lying on the table, with him on top of Buffy. He looked at her, they were both panting.  
"I want you..." he heard himself saying.

"I'd say I noticed that..." she said, cupping his erection with a hand and flashing him a grin.  
"But...not like that..." he managed to say, after the shock of feeling her hand on his penis.   
"Why?" she asked, she was all but pouting. Giles helped her sitting on the table, took a deep breath and said, "Because it is wrong...because this wouldn't be making love...it would be just a ..."  
"Quick shag on the big reading table of my high school library?" she said in a teasing tone.  
"Exactly. I told you this was one of my wildest fantasies...and that what it was, a fantasy...but this is reality."  
"I should hope so..." She said, she was still grinning at him.  
"I want our fist time to be perfect." He softly said.  
"It still would be perfect..." she objected.  
"Probably," he admitted "but I'm a romantic at heart...and I want a bed, candlelight, flowers..."  
"You’re mushy, you know that?" She said, then she covered her mouth with a hand and mumbled, "sorry..."  
"You don't need to apologise, my dear. I already knew that" he said before kissing her again. When they broke the kiss, Buffy asked, "Ya sure, you don't want to...?"  
"Yes Buffy, I am...and I think I've gone completely crazy." He said half smiling.  
"Welcome to the club" she wryly replied.  
"And I think I shall take a very cold shower, once the spell cast by Willow wears out..."  
"At least the mystery has been finally solved...they were setting us up" she commented. They were both sitting on the table now, her arm around his waist, his around her shoulders, she was resting her head against his fore arm.  
"I'd really like to know how she managed to talk Spike into this" he wondered aloud  
She chuckled against his arm and murmured, "I don't know and I'm looking forward to hearing all the gory details of their plan, but first, there's something I really *need* to know"  
Giles lowered his head and met her eyes, she smiled at him and asked, "Just...when did you learn to whistle?"  
Giles' answer was a deep, mind blowing kiss. When he pulled away Buffy decided she didn't *need* to know, after all.  
-8-  
"You think it worked?" Xander asked Willow.   
The red-head, shrugged while putting away the herbs and the candles, she'd used for the spells. Anya and Spike were helping her. She looked very tired, yet she smiled when she said, "I don't know, Xand...however I'm going to hide somewhere and sleep for three days, at least..."  
They were all very tired, except for Spike, of course. After Buffy and Giles had left, they had all worked to collect Giles' books and had placed them in Giles' bedroom.   
"I think it worked, though." Spike said without looking at anyone.  
~ Thanks ~   
Willow silently said. He smiled, not noticing how Tara was looking at them.   
~ You’re welcome, luv ~  
Spike realized that they were getting used to talking like that. They'd not understood yet, why they were able to communicate that way. Willow had made some research, but it had been useless, so they'd just accepted that link, welcomed it, actually.  
Spike found it very amusing. He liked it when she blushed after he told her something about their deal. He turned toward Willow, the young witch had sat on the floor, she was leaning her head against a wall, her eyes were closed. She was breathing heavily.  
"Hey, is Red alright?" he asked turning toward Tara.  
"She is fine" Tara coldly replied, "she's just tired. It was a hell of a spell, in case you didn't notice"  
"Yeah, whatever ya say..." Spike muttered kneeling on the floor to pick some candles.  
~ Willow, are you sure you're fine? ~   
He silently asked, trying his best to hide how concerned he was.  
~ I'm just very tired, Spike...~  
She reassured him. Spike's lips curved in a light smile, yet, he felt the irrational urge to breath in relief...he'd have laughed at that...he was a vampire....he didn't breathe!  
He worked for a while with the others to collect the things they’d used for the spells. He could sense Willow was very weak and tired. He silently debated with himself whether he’d to turn and check on Willow.

He shook his head, he could hear the frantic beating of Willow’s heart. He slowly got up and closed one of the boxes they’d brought to the mansion. He wanted to look at her, he wanted to make sure she was fine. The demon within himself started to protest at that thought, he briefly morphed in his game face, but he fought it back slipping back in his human face.

Spike finally turned to check on Willow only to notice Tara, who was looking at her with an unreadable expression on her face.  
Tara then turned toward him and shrugged, as if she had been expecting him to look at her girl friend. He held her gaze for a second before looking at Willow. The young witch looked more relaxed now, she’d regained color, even her heart beat was steadier.   
He turned and knelt, collecting from the floor the last candles, feeling much more relaxed.   
~ Spike? ~  
Willow suddenly said.  
~ What? ~ He silently snapped at her. He didn’t want her to understand how concerned he’d been for her and how relieved he was she was feeling better.  
Willow surprised him, though, silently telling him.  
~ I know both Tara and you are checking on me and on each other, and I know that the saying if looks could kill has never been that true as tonight. The tension could be cut with a knife ~  
~ Willow? Point anytime soon? ~ he silently asked interrupting her.   
~ Point, yes…there’s a point! Uhm... would you please take the others outside with you? I need to talk to Tara for a while ~  
~ Do I look like a bloody...?~  
He began,   
~ Please, Spike...~  
Willow's gentle voice in his mind said   
~ Alright...~  
He silently mumbled. Spike got up and placed the candles in a box. He looked at Xander and said, "Hey mate, quit smooching with your girlfriend and help me putting these things in your car..."  
"What about your supernatural strength?" Xander asked, arching his head, while Anya kissed his neck.  
"Yeah...well, just shut up and come with me, will you?" Spike said holding the boxes in his arms.  
"Fine, fang boy..." Xander muttered getting up from his chair. He took a book and followed Spike outside. Anya looked at the two women and shook her head, then she followed Spike and Xander outside.   
Once they were alone Willow sighed and opened her eyes. Tara was looking at her, Willow shook her head and closed again her eyes then said, "C'mon Tara...spill."  
"No, Will, you spill!" the woman said sitting next to her on the floor, "What the hell is going on between you and Spike?"  
"I don't know" she said opening her eyes and looking at her, "I don't know" she repeated.   
"Well, count me in it too...I don't know what to think...it almost looks like you can read each other's minds"  
Willow sighed. They'd decided not to tell anyone about the mental link they shared. No one would have understood, or worse they would have insisted to erase it, and neither of them wanted it, so she looked at her girlfriend and said, "What do you want me to tell you, Tara?"  
"Oh, I don't know, Willow! I'd like you to tell me you're not falling in love with a vampire, that would be a nice start!" She stood up and started pacing the room, "I'd like you to tell me, I'm just paranoid...and that I *so* need to work on my self esteem... " she paused and marveling she added, "I'd just like to know the truth, Will..."  
Willow sighed then opening her eyes said, "What if I didn't know the truth? What if I couldn't tell you whether I'm falling in love with a vampire? I wish I knew Tara..."  
"What did he tell you that night at the hotel? What happened between the two of you? And which kind of deal do you have?" she softly asked.  
Willow didn't answer her, though. They were both quiet for a while, then Tara said, "Dammit Willow, answer me!"  
Willow opened her eyes and got up. She took a step forward and said, "Don't you ever dare talk to me like that again! Have I made myself clear?"  
"Or what? You call your vampire so he can bite me? Ops...I'd forgotten he can't bite anymore!" she hissed  
Willow closed her eyes and sighed, when she reopened them said, "Fine Tara, you want the truth?"  
Tara interrupted her and said in a cracked voice, "No...I don't think I need to hear it anymore...I know what I needed to know"  
She pulled her in a hug, then she placed a kiss on her forehead and whispered against it, "Don't let him hurt you, please..."  
She then broke their embrace and headed toward the door, Willow's voice stopped her when she said in a cracked voice, "I love you Tara, you know?"  
Tara, choking back tears turned toward her and said, "Yeah...but you love him more..."  
Willow just closed her eyes. She started when she heard the door close and let a few tears roll down on her cheeks.   
On the way out Tara saw Spike. He was leaning against a wall, she stopped in front of him. She'd expected him to smile, instead he looked very serious. She looked at him and hissed, "Don't ever hurt her, you bloodsucker bastard ..."  
Spike looked at her for a long time then he said, "I won't, Tara...believe me."  
The woman looked at him for a second and nodded.  
She saw love in his blue eyes. Love for Willow.  
She believed him.  
She got out from the mansion, Xander drove her to the dorm.  
No one heard from her ever again.   
-9-

Willow Rosenberg sighed resting her head against the wheel of her car.   
"What the hell am I doing here?" she wondered in a low voice.   
She was tired, she was very tired. The spells and the ‘luv trap’ had succeed. Buffy and Giles had got together, that hadn’t prevented them from calling all of them once the spell had worn off to give them a piece of their minds…after having thanked them, though. All she had wanted had been to crawl somewhere and rest, of course that had been impossible.   
First Buffy and Giles’ had grilled all of them about the set up, then they had all grilled her about her break up with Tara.  
All of them including a certain bleached-blonde vampire who was waiting for her in a hotel room, in that moment.   
A certain bleached-blonde vampire who had mercilessly silently teased her about their deal while the others had been grilling her.   
She’d been tempted to stake him, just to shut him up…she’d been tempted to stake all of them, actually. 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.   
~ Are you afraid? ~ came suddenly Spike’s silent question.  
~ Leave me the hell alone for a while, will you? ~ she silently snapped at him.  
~A bit touchy, aren’t we? ~ Spike dryly replied.   
Willow shook her head. She liked Spike, a lot. She’d always been terrified by him, but at the same time she’d always liked him. Every red blooded female would have liked him….  
"Who am I kidding? Every red *blooded* female? Helloo? Harmony anyone?" she said aloud, thinking that not only living and breathing females shared her opinion about Spike.  
She sighed. She *so* liked Spike…what she didn’t understand was why he liked her. Was it due to what was happening to them…whatever it was? Before that fateful night when they’d begun reading each other’s mind…he’d never given any sign of liking her…unless she counted kidnapping her, threatening her and almost killing her as signs of his affection.   
They had made a deal…sort of. They hadn’t really talked about it. Willow smiled thinking that although Spike had teased her about it, they hadn’t really talked. Whenever they’d been alone for the last days they’d been too busy kissing and groping each other to even think about their deal, let alone talking about it, whether aloud or through their link.   
She let out a muffled scream in her hands. What was going to happen once she entered that room? The only thing she knew for sure was that they were going to make love.   
She shook her head and said aloud, "Dream on, Red…you’re just going to shag…making love is not going to enter this picture anytime soon."  
Not that Spike had been rough with her, on the contrary he’d surprised her with his gentleness. He was passionate, way passionate, as she’d discovered, but not rough…at least he’d been that way while smooching …who knew however, how he was during sex?  
All Willow knew was that she’d never been that aroused, scared and confused as she was in that moment. She tried to ignore her feelings for Spike…he’d told her he was ‘sorta’ falling in love with her, but how could she believe him? Not that she didn’t believe he was able to love…Buffy had told her about his speech which had ended with Spike calling himself ‘love’s bitch’, a speech she’d silently wholly agreed with. He’d wanted her to cast a love spell to have Drusilla back. He’d loved Drusilla, for almost as long as he’d been a vampire. She’d doubts however about him falling in love with *her *. As for her feelings, she had acknowledged she was falling in love with him…and that scared her more than the fact he was a vampire.   
She sighed, again, trying to relax. 

~ Uhm…Willow? Are you going to sit in that car forever? I can wait…you know…I’m…~  
~I know you’re dead…undead…whatever…oh, please, leave me alone! ~ she silently told him.   
~ Have you changed your mind, about our deal? ~ he silently asked.  
Willow felt Spike didn’t seem happy at the idea. She hadn’t still worked out all the details about the mental link they shared. She knew they could telepathically talk to each other all the time, even when they were apart, that they could even hear each other’s thoughts, but only after they shared a certain degree of intimacy. They could feel each other’s moods…although not strongly. She frowned, was he really eager to have sex with her how she sensed?  
~ Willow? ~ Spike silently called.   
~ I’ll be right here…~ she silently said.  
She clutched the cross she’d hid in the sleeve of the short, black dress she was wearing, then checked to see whether she could easily reach the stake she’d hid in her other sleeve.  
she thought while getting out from her car. She shook her head and couldn’t help chuckling at that thought, She was in front of the room’s door, still chuckling, but she froze when she heard in her mind Spike’s laughter.  
She took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock at the door, but gasped when Spike opened it. He was in his game face, he smiled at her showing his fangs, he lightly grabbed her wrist and said, "Come in, luv…I think it’s payback time"   
-10-  
Willow would have been utterly surprised whether she’d known Spike was as doubtful as she was about their deal.   
He’d paced the room, while waiting for Willow to sort out her feelings, understanding for the first time the Watcher’s need to pace. He’d even made a mental note to himself to buy him a stock of Earl Gray Tea, then he’d stopped in his tracks and growled at the thought, thinking he had been spending way too much time with humans. 

He’d thought shaking his head. He liked Willow, a lot. He probably liked her too much. He hadn’t lied to her, he was really falling in love with her, and he was mad as hell, for that very reason.   
"Vampires aren’t supposed to fall in love with humans…they’re happy meals on legs, remember? C’mon Spike get a grip! Angel anyone? Great, now I’m talking to myself…next thing I’m going to brood over the unfairness of my unlife!"  
He’d shaken his head, but had frozen when he’d felt Willow’s doubts and fear. It hadn’t taken him long to realize he was the stronger part of the link they shared. He could always sense, feel, hear her...and what surprised him was that he enjoyed their link. He liked her mind, liked her way of thinking, her sense of humor, her intelligence. After one hundred years spent with Drusilla and that brief period spent with Harmony, it was a relief for him, to be able to have a decent conversation with another person without wanting to smack his head against a wall.  
He’d loved Drucilla. He’d loved her with fierce intensity, that love had always surprised people in the vampire community…but he hadn’t cared about it. Being evil was a blast, he enjoyed it…but he couldn’t help the fact that he was able to love. Perhaps something had gone wrong when Angelus had turned him, perhaps his inner demon was a ninny or someone below him really had a twisted sense of humor, all he knew was that when Dru had left him, he’d hurt, a lot, it had shredded his undead heart…and that for the first time since then, he felt whole…thanks to the red-headed witch.   
He’d smiled at Willow’s thoughts. She was afraid to disappoint him. He had been able to hear her thoughts about giving him a happy and had had to chuckle. First thing first, the witch had to work a little on her self-esteem, he’d decided recalling their brief and intense meetings of the previous days.  
There was a fire within her, a passion he could almost taste when they were together. She was so responsive, so passionate…he realized with a smile that The Slayer and the Watcher hadn’t been the only ones needing cold showers lately.  
Of course he hadn’t taken cold showers, since he was a vampire…but the temptation had been strong.   
Very strong.   
He’d shaken his head and had sat on the bed lightly scratching the black polish on his thumb’s nail. He’d then crossed his arms over his chest and had silently asked   
~ Uhm…Willow? Are you going to sit in that car forever? I can wait…you know…I’m…~  
Willow had interrupted him, silently telling him she knew he was undead…how in the bloody hell did she knew what he’d been about to say?  
He’d sensed she had been afraid. He had blinked and had silently asked,   
~ Have you changed your mind about our deal? ~  
He hadn’t been happy about the idea, especially when he’d realized that he wouldn’t have forced her to do anything. He'd tortured people. He'd killed people just for the fun of it, but he had never raped a woman whether human or vampire.   
Of course he was going to scare ten or maybe twenty years out of her life whether she’d changed her mind…but forcing her into anything had been out of the question.   
he’d silently wondered shrugging.   
~ I’ll be right here ~ she’d silently told him and Spike had to fight the irrational urge of breathing in relief.  
He’d blinked when he’d felt that Willow was still unsure about him. He knew she probably had weapons with her, his suspicions had been confirmed when she’d heard Willow’s remark about safe sex.  
He had laughed at her words. He really loved her sense of humor and her chuckles.   
He’d approached the door when he’d felt her near. He’d been able to hear her heart beat, he’d sniffed the sweet smell of her fear and her arousal. He’d gone to the door but had stopped when he’d considered what he’d just though about her chuckles.  
He’d growled, angry at himself and without even realizing he’d morphed in his game face. He’d opened the door, and the demon within himself had been delighted at her scared look, he’d smiled at her, showing his fangs.   
He’d lightly grabbed her wrist careful not to hurt her and had said, "Come in, luv…I think it’s payback time"  
-11-  
He closed the door behind him, still holding Willow’s wrist. She was frightened, he could sense it, both through their link and her blood.   
He fought back his demon and turned toward her. He let go of her wrist and smiled asking wryly, "So…when are you going to announce to the world your engagement with your car?"  
"Uh?" Willow managed to say frowning. She was shocked. Spike had scared her senseless when he’d greeted her in grrr-mode, for an instant she’d feared he was going to kill her…and she had to admit she still feared that.  
"Earth to Willow…do you miss your car? Do you want us to move there? It’s okay for me, though not very comfy" Spike asked, he couldn’t help smiling at her stunned face.   
Willow nodded, then shook her head no, then looked at him and blinked when she noticed what he was wearing... blue jeans and a black, tight t-shirt. She swallowed…wondering why suddenly her throat was as dry as the Sahara desert. She took a deep breath, yet her voice came out as a squeal when she said, "No…uhmm…I like being here…"   
"Good…" he said nodding. They both were quiet for a while, then Willow suddenly asked, "May I know why you greeted me like that? You scared me senseless!"  
He laughed and shrugging said, "Luv, I’m a vampire, remember?"  
Willow lightly shook her head and placing her hands on her hips said, "Well, Mr. I’m-evil-and-proud-of-it…try one of these tricks again and I’ll turn you in the first vampire squirrel ever!"  
A part of him felt the need to apologize to the young woman. He could still hear the pounding of her heart in her chest and smell the adrenaline, instead he just shrugged and said, "Look, Red…I’m not prince charming…neither I’m the big Poofini… "  
"So?" she asked crossing her arms over her chest  
"So you have to expect to see me acting like that if we want this to work …"  
~ Uh? ~ she silently said frowning.  
Spike frowned as well and said, "Let me rephrase this…"  
"W…wait…did you just….did you just say work ? As in …"  
"As in *nothing *…" he said adamantly, interrupting her. "I just wanted to warn you…"  
"Oh, thank you, I guess…" she whispered.  
Spike just shrugged…wondering why he’d warned her and mostly why he’d done it to cover the slip of his tongue, and since when he’d wanted things to work between them, anyway?  
She shortened the distance between them and said, "Well, now that we have made things clear between us what do we do?"  
Spike smiled and said, "You could start throwing away the cross and the stake you’re hiding somewhere under that beautiful outfit of yours… "  
Willow smiled and shrugged, then said, "Can I trust you?"  
He’d to laugh at her words, "Of course not…but if you don’t throw that stuff away, we’re going to give a whole new meaning to the term coitus interruptus"  
Willow giggled at his words, but didn’t move. Spike sighed and said, "Red?"  
Willow smiled at him and took some steps backwards, she took a deep breath and slowly began unzipping her dress. Spike stared at her, his face didn’t betray any emotion, but he had to admit he was surprised, to say the least.   
The cross and the stake dropped on the floor, Willow slowly knelt and took them in her hands and whispered, "I’ll put these away"  
Spike looked at her. It was the first time, he was really seeing her undressed. She was in front of him, wearing only blue bra and panties. Spike couldn’t explain the strange lump which was forming in his throat at the thought of his Willow trusting him enough to undress before him, when just a few minutes before he’d greeted her in his demon face.  
he thought   
"You have a great body Red, you should show it rather than covering it…" he said, happy about how casual his remark had sounded.   
Willow smiled at him while putting the stake and the cross in the nightstand’s drawer.  
~ Yeah, right…don’t you see how many people are ready to undress and take me? ~  
~I am…and I don’t give a damn about the others, do you? ~  
Willow looked at him and shook her head smiling. She slowly climbed on the bed and hugged her knees with her arms then looked at him saying, "You know? It’s strange…I was more scared in my car, while fully dressed than now, in the same room with you, covered only in lace underwear… "  
"I don’t know whether to consider myself offended or flattered by this statement" he replied sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked at her, he could sense she wasn’t scared anymore.   
Willow smiled at his words and slowly crawled toward him. She stood on her knees behind him and began slowly massaging his shoulders whispering, "I thought that when I entered this room you’d have taken me, against a wall...without even saying a word…"  
Spike turned and cocked an eyebrow at her dryly saying, "Thanks for the vote of confidence…"  
She laughed and said gently scraping the nape of his neck with her nails, "Do I need to remind you what happened against the wall of Giles’ bedroom yesterday?"  
Spike couldn’t help smiling when he remembered how he’d surprised her, just the night before while the others had been busy collecting the books downstairs, gently pushing her against a wall of Giles’ bedroom, and how he’d kissed her almost literally senseless.   
He arched his head back when he felt Willow’s lips gently suckling on his earlobe, her hands went on his back to help him out of his shirt. He could feel her hot skin through the fabric of his shirt and her hot breath against his ear when she purred, "Instead here I am, undressing you on the bed…." She lowered her head and kissed him on the neck, tasting his cool skin with her tongue.  
~ Uhm…Willow? What the hell are you doing? I’m a vampire…remember? Kissing me on the neck is not …~ he silently began not trusting his voice, he didn’t remember when had last been so turned on. His mind total shut down, though when she licked his Adam’s apple and gently sucked at it  
~ You were saying? ~  
Willow silently told him. he looked at her, she was grinning, he grinned back at her  
~ Never mind…go on…don’t stop…~  
He silently said closing his eyes.  
~I wasn’t planning to…~   
She silently replied He couldn’t help groaning when Willow’s small hands went under his shirt, touching his bare skin, grazing his nipples with her fingertips. Spike turned toward the woman and met her mouth in a deep kiss, he slid an arm around her waist, and pulled her onto his lap. When they parted from each other, Willow was smiling, Spike grazed her lips with a finger and whispered, "Red, before we go on…there’s something I need to tell you…"  
"What?" she asked, fearing he’d changed his mind. She could feel how aroused he was, yet she was afraid all the same….what if he’d realized he didn’t want to go on? What if he’d changed his mind?  
~ We…I can go if you want…~  
Spike raised a brow and said, "Not bloody likely…I haven’t changed my mind, we’re going to make love…got it?"  
"Make love?" she echoed blinking.  
"Yes…how the hell do you call it?" he asked puzzled. He looked at her for a second, not understanding the surprise in the woman’s voice, until what Willow had thought about their meeting hit him.  
~ Thanks * again* for the vote of confidence, Willow! ~  
"Well, I told you what I thought was going to happen once I entered this room…" she mumbled shrugging.  
Spike nodded and said, "Well…you were probably right…but I just want you to know that I’m not going to hurt you tonight…and not just because of the blasted chip. I’m not going to hurt you because I don’t *want* to… " He stopped talking for a second, then looking at her added, "But I’m *still* a vampire, Willow. "  
Willow raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth to speak, but Spike covered it with a hand and said, "Before you go ‘duh’ on me, I want to make things clear between us.. I warned you before, and I’m doing it again, though I’d be damned if I know why. This is *not* a fairy tale…I’m not going to turn into a normal, nice guy…I’m not going to go into any Anne Rice routine…I. Don’t. Have. A. Soul. This is never going to change…when we’re finished I’ll still be Mr. I’m-evil-and-proud-of-it …got it?"  
She nodded at him  
~ Got it…~  
She then took the hand which was still covering her mouth and placed it over her breast, saying, "That doesn’t mean, we can’t have fun, though."  
Spike couldn’t help chuckling at her words, he gently squeezed her breast and said, "Right…and besides look at the bright side…"  
"That would be?" she asked, gasping when Spike’s other hand gently made its way between her thighs, under her panties and began stroking her most sensitive spot.  
"I’m not going to turn into the jerk who never phones the morning after"  
She grinned while pushing against his hand and whispered, "You already are…"  
He grinned back at her and silently told  
~ That I am…so don’t worry we’re going to give each other a happy… and it looks like I just see one coming in the very near future…~  
.   
PART 2: things move.  
***SIX MONTHS LATER***  
-1-

Have yourself a merry little Christmas   
let yourself be light From now on, our troubles   
will be out of sight....

The music filled the air in Giles' house. Buffy and Giles were around the tree, trying to decorate it and not quite succeeding. Xander and Anya were sitting on the floor, trying to disentangle the lights, Spike and Willow were in the kitchenette, they couldn't hear them talking, but they could hear noise of kitchen implements being moved.  
Deciding to spend Christmas together had been fairly natural for them, since they were spending most of their time at Giles', anyway.  
"Buffy, what in the name of God are you doing?" Giles asked looking at the woman.   
Buffy looked at him blinking and asked, "Uhm...I'm trying to decorate the tree?"  
Giles shook his head. Buffy looked at the results of her attempts, sighed and looking at him said, "I'm trying to destroy this poor pine tree?"  
"I guess so, love..." he said smiling.  
Buffy shrugged and said out loud, "Willow? When did you say the effects of the truth's spell were going to wear out?"  
"Ah, bloody, ah..." he mumbled placing a little crystal star on the tree  
Willow got out from the kitchenette and asked, "What did you just say?"   
Buffy looked at her friend and waved a hand in the hair saying, "Aw, forget it, doesn't matter...my watc..." Giles flashed her a look. She shook her head and said, "er...boyf..." Giles raised an eyebrow, Buffy rolled her eyes and pointing at Giles said, "*He* thinks I'm destroying the tree with my attempts to decorate it "  
Willow entered the living room, she took a look at the tree, crossed her arms over her chest and looking at Buffy said, "He's right, Buff..." she then returned to the kitchenette, ignoring her friend's growlings.  
"Fine, Will...whatever! Remind me of this, next time you need that black skirt..." she said out loud, yet she was smiling.   
Buffy realized, that in the last six months, she'd always had a goofy grin on her face. She was afraid to tell she was happy, even to herself.   
Life had been quite hectic for the past six months. She'd slayed, she'd studied and she'd sometimes barely restrained herself from pushing Giles against a wall and make love to him.  
They'd decided to wait. At first she'd thought it was romantic, and she still thought it was. Yet, she often wondered, what they were waiting for, after all they loved each other, they were happy together...their relationship hadn't gotten in the way of their duties as slayer and watcher...then why they hadn't still made love?  
Twice they had tried to. Both times they'd been interrupted by someone or something. She was really beginning to suspect there was a conspiracy going on.

She giggled then she shook her head and approached Giles. She slid both her arms around his waist and rested her head against his back, inhaling his scent. She closed her eyes, she could hear Giles' heartbeat, she smiled and placed a kiss on the nape of his neck, smiling when he shivered, then whispered, "You know, Giles? I've just decided that your heart beat is my favorite sound in the world"   
Giles smiled and turned around, he met her eyes and one of her brightest smiles, ever. He leaned toward her and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose, then said, "Thank you. I take you've forgiven me?"  
"For what?" she asked really surprised. Giles looked at her and said, "For the tree..."  
Buffy raised her eyebrows and Giles shaking his head said, "Uhm, it doesn't matter..."  
Her arms were still wrapped around his waist, and he had an arm around her shoulders, when Xander raising his head looked at them and snorted, "Jeez, guys...you're really trying to make it up for the time you lost, aren't you?"  
Both Buffy and Giles grinned at Xander's words, then Giles placed a kiss on Buffy's forehead and let go of her saying, "Why don't we take a walk outside? I am sure Xander and Anya will be happy to keep decorating the tree"  
"Gladly" she said smiling. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his mouth before grabbing a stake both their coats and headed toward the door.  
Giles shook his head and followed her. He turned toward Xander and Anya who were kissing, shook again his head and left, without them even noticing.

-2-  
~ This is torture, Willow, you know? And please believe me, I know something about torture! ~   
Spike's voice exploded in her head, while she was cooking. She yelped and turned toward Spike who had morphed into his game face. Not caring about it, she flashed him an angered glare yet she politely asked, "Could you hand me the salt?"  
~ We have decided they didn't have to know about us, and yet you were all but undressing me in the kitchenette! Luckily for us they were all too busy smooching to notice it! ~  
She replied to his silent question.  
~ Yeah Willow, it's easy for you...if you didn't want me to undress you, why are you wearing that blue dress? You know how much I like it...~  
Spike heard Willow giggle at his words.  
~ Do you think it's funny, Willow? ~  
He silently asked, his tone had been serious, yet his eyes were twinkling and he'd morphed back into his human face.  
~ Well, Spike...next time, I'll choose more carefully what to wear, then. I chose this dress, just because it masks well, my not wearing any underwear ~  
A second later, Xander and Anya from the living room, heard the noise made by the casserole who Spike had been previously holding, dropping on the floor and a loud, "Bloody hell, Red! Are you trying to driving me crazy, or what?"   
Xander looked concerned at the couple in the kitchenette. They were facing each other, a strange look on their faces. Xander turned toward Anya and asked, "Do you think we should go and check on Willow?"  
Anya held back a laughter and said, "No love, I don't think we have to. Willow can take care of herself"  
"Do you think she's safe with Spike? I mean they're getting quite along and all...but..." Xander seemed genuinely concerned for his friend.  
Anya just shook her head and said, "Love, he can't hurt her..."

She silently added. Anya was the only one who knew about Willow and Spike. She hadn't caught them together, and they'd been really careful, no one in fact suspected about them, but she knew. She could sense what was going on. She'd been able to, since the beginning. She hadn't told anyone, she hadn't even let Willow understand that she knew. Spike knew though. The night they'd cast the spell on Buffy and Giles, when Xander had driven Tara to the dorm, he'd approached her and had said, "One word...mind your own business"  
"Actually that would be four" she had dryly replied.  
"Yeah, whatever..." he'd told. He'd gotten close to her and had hissed morphing in his game face, "Not a word to anyone..."  
"You don't hurt her and there won't be any problems" she had said.   
Spike had morphed back in his human face when he had said, "I will never hurt her, it's not what I want..."  
"What do you want from her, then?" she had asked.  
He had been about to answer, when Willow had joined them. They hadn't talked about it ever again, and Spike had kept his word. He hadn't hurt her, actually Willow seemed very happy. She put her arms around Xander's neck and said between kisses, "Don't worry, she'll be fine..."  
Back in the kitchenette, Spike was leaning against the fridge. He was looking at Willow, smiling. After that first night at the hotel, there had been another…and then another, they just hadn’t been able to stop meeting, they’d finally talked realizing they were in a relationship…sort of.   
He realized in that moment, though, that the petite red-head had made him forget Drusilla. Though he didn't want to admit, he was *in* love with the young witch. He was so in love, that for her own happiness, he didn't tell her about his feelings. their relationship was ...multi faced.   
They were having sex, lot of it, and it was, to put it mildly indescribable. Yet their relationship wasn't just physical. They talked a lot, Willow knew things about him no one else had ever known before. They had fun together, watching the telly or playing games, or just silently talking to each other.   
It wasn't easy to carry on the relationship, since they'd decided to hide it from Willow's friends. In the beginning they'd done so, because they thought it was funny, then, as weeks had became months, they'd just decided that it was their life and that they didn't owe explanations to anyone, least of all the Slayer and the Watcher.   
Spike smiled at Willow. She was so beautiful, so intelligent, so pure. He felt pangs of guilt, whenever he thought about the fact he was robbing her of her innocence with that relationship. He watched her profile, her red hair slightly lighted by the kitchen's lights was almost like fire. Her green eyes sparkled with happiness, and he felt an irrational surge of manly pride because he knew *he* was the cause of that happiness.   
~ I'm really going soft...~ he thought.  
A wicked grin crept across Willow's face when she silently told him  
~ Oh, I'm sure we can work something out about that, don't you think? ~  
Spike actually blinked at her words.  
~ Now, Willow...you're really going to pay for this, you know? ~  
Willow turned slightly toward him, she raised an eyebrow and silently asked   
~ Promise? ~  
"You can bet on it, Red" he said aloud a wicked grin matching Willow's while he silently told her how exactly she was going to pay.  
-3-  
"Where are you taking me?" Buffy asked, clasping Giles' hand in hers. Giles had blinded her with a scarf, once they'd gotten in the car. She hadn't objected, had just rested her head, against Giles' shoulder. She'd dozed off, lulled by Giles' scent, and the light noise of the car. Giles had awoken her with a kiss, when he had stopped the car. Buffy had smiled against his lips and had asked, "May I?"  
"No, you have to wait" he'd told her.  
Once they'd gotten out of Giles' car, and he'd taken her hand in his, she'd said, "One of these days you'll have to tell me, how you manage to always know what I'm thinking and what I'm going to say..."  
Giles had laughed at her words, and he'd lead her to their destination. Now they'd stopped walking, Giles hadn't removed the scarf from her eyes, yet. She felt him behind her, she felt his warmth, and smiled when he whispered against her ear, " I shall remove the scarf, now. Just promise me, you'll keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them"  
"Slayer's honor" she said between giggles.   
"That's my girl" he whispered again against her ear, before kissing her earlobe. Buffy shivered in anticipation. Though Giles had removed the scarf from her, Buffy didn't open her eyes, until, a soft music filled the air.   
She gasped in surprise, when she recognized where they were, in the library, rather what remained of the true library. It was scarcely illuminated by the street lamplights and the full moon who was rising. She was so surprised by what she was seeing that it took her some seconds to recognize the song. A smile crept across her face when she did.  
When I'm lost, you shine a light for me  
And set me free. When I'm low, you wash  
Away my tears and take me through the   
loneliness, and emptiness, through the   
darkest night, somehow I'll survive.   
Through it all, when you tell me I'm the  
only one you need, sweet and tenderly,   
and your love breaks away the clouds   
surrounding me   
All I have I wanna give to thee  
Buffy had tears in her eyes when Giles approached her, shyly asking, "May I have this dance?" She just nodded, the lump in her throat preventing her from speaking. She buried her face in Giles' chest, while he led her.  
If I should fall, your love is strong enough,   
to lift me up. If I'm afraid, oh babe, you chase   
away my tears, and take me to a brighter place,  
beyond the rain, and I feel alright, 'cause, you're  
By my side. Through it all, when you tell me I'm the   
the only one you need, sweet and tenderly, and your   
love breaks away the clouds surrounding me  
All I have I wanna give to thee.  
Giles felt her shaking against him, he pulled her closer, to warm her. Buffy raised her head, Giles could see that her eyes were twinkling with unshed tears, she swallowed hard before whispering, "I really love you, Rupert Giles, you know?"  
Giles just nodded, unable to do something else. Buffy nodded as well and sighed before resting her head against his chest, while the song continued, and Giles led her. She hadn't known he was such a good dancer, she knew without doubt that she'd have lied like that all night long. 

She thought. She bit her bottom lip, to not giggle.   
You take me through, the loneliness, and  
Emptiness, and I feel alright 'cause you're  
By my side. Through it all, you tell me, I'm  
The only one you need, so sweet and tenderly   
And your love just sweeps away the clouds   
surrounding Me. Baby all I have I wanna   
give to thee.   
She raised her head and looking at him she mouthed the last lines of the song.  
I wanna give you all of my love...  
He smiled, while tears veiled his eyes as she kept mouthing the song's words   
Now and forever my love...  
All I have I wanna give to thee.   
They both smiled at each other, when the song ended. Giles took her in his arms and softly kissed her. She let out a shaky sigh against his cheek and closing her eyes whispered, "Wow...I...I *so* need a drink right now..."  
He chuckled and kissed her forehead then he gently pulled her away from him and said, "Don't move..."  
"I don't plan to...and besides I don't think my legs would carry me even if I tried." She mumbled.  
Giles came back a few seconds later, holding in his hands two mugs of...hot chocolate. She began laughing, so hard that her sides hurt and tears began streaming down her face. Giles looked at her, puzzled, then politely asked, "Buffy? Did I do something wrong?"  
Buffy just shook her head, while she wiped away the tears from her face with the back of her hand. Giles was smiling. He loved when Buffy laughed, her laughter always seemed to fill his heart , his soul.   
Buffy approached him and stood on her tiptoes before kissing him square on the lips. "Thank you!" she finally said.  
"For what?" he asked, surprised.   
"For being Giles...the most romantic man alive..." she said smiling.   
"Actually I had thought about bringing some champagne, but then I realized you are still..."  
"Under age to drink..." she finished for him. She took a sip of the hot liquid from her mug and smiling said, "See? You always take care of me...besides, how did you know I'd have needed a drink?"  
Giles lowered his head and looked at the cup he had in hands, then shrugged and raising his head, he just said, "Because I love you..."  
She smiled, yet her eyes filled with tears, she rolled her eyes and said, "I don't know how you manage to do that...you make smile, yet you bring tears in my eyes at the same moment..."  
"I'd say, I often wonder the same thing about you, love" he paused then he hesitantly added, "my love..."  
Buffy closed her eyes, letting some tears roll down her cheeks. She sighed, knelt and placed her mug on the floor, then she got close to him. Giles placed his mug on a stone and took her in his arms, then he hugged her tight, when he released her, he looked at her and said, "A...actually...I...w...we came here, because there is s...something I need to tell y...you"  
Buffy tilted her head and looked at him concerned but she couldn't help teasing, "Must be serious, I hadn't heard you stutter in a while..."  
Giles pulled her slightly away, holding her arms, and said, "Actually it is, Buffy." He took a deep breath, let go of her arms and knelt before her, he extracted from his jacket's pocket a small, velvet box, he swallowed and said, "Buffy...I have thought about what to say for the longest time...but even with the help of poems...I couldn't even getting close to find words which describe, how much I love, need and cherish you. I want to be with you...always. Will you marry me?"   
Buffy swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the San Francisco sized lump in her throat. She slowly knelt in front of him, she caressed his cheeks and cheekbones with trembling fingers before throwing herself in his arms.  
"Is it a yes?" he asked, trying to balance himself. She looked at him and almost shouted, "Yes!"   
She kissed his face everywhere, then she suddenly stopped and giggled against his jaw. Giles smiled and caressed her hair asking, "What?"  
She lightly pulled back and between giggles said, "You know? You could have said, 'You. Me. Marriage. Now ' and I'd accepted anyway"  
He laughed at those words and commented, "It wouldn't have been very romantic."  
"I know..." she said shrugging, but she was still giggling. Giles shook his head and patiently looked at her while she tried to calm herself, after a while she said, "Don't look at me like that! It's not everyday I get engaged..."  
"I should hope so" he dryly replied.  
"I have every right to giggle..." she all but pouted.  
Giles raised an eyebrow and said, "I guess you are right, love..."  
"Say it again?" she asked smiling.  
"I guess you are right? Do you want me to put it in writing for you?" he teased.  
"Later, but I want to hear again the other part..."  
"Love?" he asked smiling.  
She nodded, and he repeated, "Love...you're my love...I love you Buffy Summers..."  
"I'd never tire to hear that from your lips..." she softly said, looking at him, grazing his hair with her fingers.   
"Good, because I'm not going to get tired to say that anytime soon."  
"I think we have a deal, then." She purred  
"Yes, it looks like...you and me struck together...for the duration." He whispered against her mouth, before kissing her.   
When they parted, Buffy rested her head against his shoulder for an instant, then she raised it and asked, "May I see the ring now?"  
"I knew you were with me, just for my money..." he teased.  
She laughed a little then teased back, "Actually, I'm in it for the sex..."  
"Ah, ah...I'm barely containing my mirth." He replied. He then opened the small box, revealing a solitaire diamond on a platinum setting.  
"Oh, my God..." she managed to say. She didn't even realize that Giles had slid it on her ring finger of her left hand. It fit perfectly. She lightly raised her hand to admire it. The diamond sparkled in the moonlight. She looked at him and grinned before saying, "Forget the sex, Rupert...I'm with ya for the big bucks!"  
Giles' face grew suddenly very serious, Buffy looked at him puzzled. She lightly hit his forearm and said, "Giles? I was kidding..."  
Giles shook his head and flashed her a grin before saying, "Do you realize you've just called me Rupert?"  
"So? It's your name, isn't it?" she asked, not understanding where he was heading.  
"Yes love, I know...but you..."  
She suddenly opened her mouth to talk, but she closed it and shrugged, "I guess there's a first time for everything"   
"Undoubtedly " he said, he was still grinning, though.

She silently thought. She gave him her best smile and grazing his chest with her fingers said, "Speaking of first times for everything. Do you think now that we're engaged we could finally, uhm... make love? Shag like bunnies?"  
Giles' grin widened when he said, "I certainly hope so, love."  
"THANK GOD!" she said out loud before pinning his fiancé to the floor of their former library and kissing him almost senseless.   
-4-  
~ Usual place, Spike. It's very important! ~  
That's all Willow had said. He hadn't been able to make her talk all evening.   
It was the night before Buffy and Giles' wedding. They had spent it at the Bronze. Willow had looked upset, very upset. She'd lighten up, only when Xander had proposed to Anya in front of all of them.  
Spike was a bit confused. The confusion had started when a quite embarrassed Giles, had unexpectedly asked him to be his best man, together with Xander. The Slayer and the Watcher had meant to thank him for his help in the casting of the spell, that way. Of course they had decided not to marry in a church, and to marry after dusk, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to even attend the wedding.   
He'd been touched by Giles' request, yet he had accepted only because Willow had gently asked him to. He'd long ago realized he couldn't deny anything to her, and that had been just another proof of it.   
Yet, that night, Willow had avoided him, so he had patiently waited until the Watcher had fallen asleep before leaving the house and had headed toward the small hotel outside Sunnydale where Willow and him usually met.   
It was the hotel, the room where everything had started. The room where they had made love the first time, the night after the casting of the spell.  
Spike entered the room, it was dipped in obscurity, except for the lights which came from the street. He motioned to turn on the lights, but Willow's cracked voice stopped him saying, "Don't..."  
"It's alright, luv. What happened?" he asked sitting on the bed, Willow was facing a wall turning her back on him, avoiding to look at him. Spike frowned, trying to sound casual when he said, "You should be with the Slayer, you're one the bride maids, after all."  
"She was asleep when I left, anyway Anya will cover for me, in case she wakes up." She stopped talking, then added. "I didn't think she knew about us."  
She was still facing the wall, still turning her back on him.  
"Don't worry, she won't talk." Spike said. He was worried. When they were alone they usually only communicated through their link. When they were alone they usually couldn't keep eyes and hands off each other.  
Something was wrong. He knew it even before she weakly said, "It doesn't matter anymore"   
Spike closed his eyes, clenching his hands into fists. That was it, it was the end. Willow had probably finally realized how wrong their relationship was and she was going to end it. He couldn't blame her, yet he was trying very hard not to shout at her.   
"What does it mean?" he asked, surprised by how soft his voice had sounded.   
She lightly turned toward him, still avoiding eye contact and handed him a paper. "What is it?" he asked, taking it in his hands.  
~ The Watcher's Council called me. They're offering me to become a Watcher. Giles and Wesley pulled a lot of strings for me...~  
She silently said, using for the first time their link. His first reaction was of pure, absolute joy for her. He knew that was her dream, she'd told she'd almost given up hope they were going to call her. He smiled and brushed her hair with his fingers, then realization of that letter's meaning sank into him and he hissed as if he was in pain, jerking his hand away from her hair.  
"What are you going to do?" he finally asked.   
"I don't know, Spike. I honestly don't know what to do. I've until Sunday to decide, though."  
"When should you leave?" Spike asked.  
"Monday, in case I accept ." she whispered  
The vampire sighed then said, "I think you should accept"  
"What?" she asked, she sat up on the bed, still avoiding eye contact. "Do you know what does it mean? I'm going to leave Sunnydale, I'm going to go to London to train as Watcher..."  
"I know what it means, Willow." He said, he too was finding difficult looking at her.  
~ You should go, Willow. You deserve so much more than this ~  
He silently added.  
"I love *this* , Spike!" she said out loud.   
"Yet you don't know what to do." he noted.  
"I'm confused, I admit it, but I'm happy here and I don't want to give up on it...I don't want to leave you..."  
~ And I don't want you to leave me...~   
He silently said.  
~ Ask me to stay then, I will...~  
"I won't, Willow. I won't do this to you." he whispered  
"Why?" she asked, crying.  
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" he shouted. He jerked away when Willow touched his shoulders and got up. He went to the window, and fixed his glare on the street, he heard Willow approaching him, but stopping just before touching him. He closed his eyes.   
They were both quiet for a while, then Willow said, her voice still cracked, "I don't get it...you love me, yet you want me to leave?"  
Spike shook his head and turned toward the woman, meeting for the first time her eyes that night and noticing how red and puffy they were. He caressed her hair and said, "I want you to *live *, Willow. Even if we ignore it, even if we refuse to think about it we both know I can't give this to you, I can't give anything to you" he paused then hissed, "I'm a vampire, dammit!"  
Willow raised her eyebrows, and crossed her arms over her chest. Spike couldn't help smiling while looking at her, he shrugged and whispered, "Duh!"  
"Understatement of the century" she replied smiling, yet her eyes were full of tears.   
Spike grazed her shoulders and said, "Don't you understand? What can I give you? What can I offer to you? I can't even keep your feet warm at night! How can I ask you to give up the best thing which has ever happened to you?"  
Spike couldn't believe his own ears. He was begging her to leave him, he was putting her before everyone else, including himself. He shook his head, angry at himself and at his un life, which had really a bizarre sense of humor.  
Willow's quiet voice, though, broke his thoughts when she whispered, " *You* are the best thing which has ever happened to me" she let out a shaky breath, before saying, "I love you, Spike."  
Spike irrationally felt his throat clenching at her words. He traced her lips with his fingers before stepping away. He headed toward the door and without turning whispered, "Then leave, Willow. Accept their offer and be the best bloody Watcher the Council has ever had."   
He'd already opened the door when Willow's voice whispered in his mind.  
~ I will, but I don't have to tell them until Sunday. I don't have to leave until Monday. We still have three days...and I want them, we both do .~  
Spike froze. He turned around and looked at her, she was leaning against a wall, he saw that she was wearing her night gown under her coat. She was smiling at him, Spike smiled back at her. Willow took some steps forward, Spike slowly did the same, closing the door behind him.   
They stopped at the center of the half darkened room looking at each other, then Willow threw herself in Spike's arms, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, standing on her tiptoes to reach his face and kissed him before pulling away, surprised, when Spike took her in his strong arms.   
He felt her warm body pressed against his and he couldn't help smiling while he slowly began kissing her face. He kissed her forehead, her eyelids, her jaw, cheeks, finally he kissed her lips, losing himself in her sweet, unique taste. When he reluctantly parted from her, he said chuckling, "It's official, I'm Poof Boy jr.!"  
Willow giggled against his forehead. Spike took some steps then he gently placed her on the bed. He kissed both her hands and sitting beside her said, "You're right, we have three more days before you leave, let's not waste them, alright?"  
~ Way to go, Fang Boy! ~   
She silently teased him. Spike rolled his eyes and snorted, then said, "You've really hung around Xander too much, Red"  
"Yeah, whatever..." she then surprised him shifting and sitting on his lap with her legs on either sides of his thighs and said, "May I know what you have in mind?"  
She then lowered her head and began placing soft, hot kisses on his neck, she lightly nib his earlobe then looking at him asked, "So? What you have in mind?"  
"Not much if you keep..." he felt her fingers grazing his nipples. He started looking at her and finished, "doing, whatever you're doing!"  
She grinned at him and raised her hands then repeated, "So What you have in mind?"  
Spike grinned back at her. He put his hands on her shoulders helping her out of her coat and said in a husky voice, "I'll tell you what...just after the wedding, I'm going to take you away, lock us in this very room and make love to you until the very minute you have to leave...so what do you say? And by the way, do you really care about this nightgown?"  
"No, why?" she asked, purring.   
His grin answered her question even before he silently told her  
~ Because I'm going to rip this blasted thing off of you...~  
She grinned back and raised an eyebrow, laughing and arching her head back when Spike ripped her nightgown in two pieces and helped her out of it.   
She was naked, sitting on his lap, when Spike asked, "So Willow, what do you say?"  
She licked her lips before saying, "I'd say we have another deal, Spike, but I want a preview of it, now!"  
"I thought you'd never asked!" he said.  
"Just shut up Spike, and make love to me..." she whispered before meeting his mouth in a deep, carnal kiss.   
-5-  
"You're beautiful, Buffy!" Joyce Summers exclaimed looking at her daughter.   
They were in her house, in Joyce's bedroom and they were all almost ready to go downstairs, where the ceremony was going to be held. Joyce felt her heart skip a beat looking at her daughter, her long blonde hair was loose on her shoulders.   
Her dress was very simple, long and white, it left her shoulders naked, but it had long silky sleeves. It perfectly fitted her, she wasn't wearing any jewelry except her engagement ring on her right hand and on her neck, a little heart shaped blue crystal Willow had given her, yet she was stunning.   
Joyce sighed holding back tears. In the beginning she hadn't been exactly thrilled at Buffy's decision to marry Giles, she'd soon changed her mind, though, when she'd seen how happy she was with him. She had never seen her that happy, not even before she'd been called as Slayer.  
She had accepted the idea that her baby girl was in love with a man much older than her and that she was willing to spend the rest of her life with him.   
Buffy looked at her mother sensing what she was thinking and smiled at her, lightly shrugging. Mother and daughter looked at each other for some seconds, Buffy's eyes were swelling with tears, it was Willow who broke the atmosphere shaking her head and saying smiling yet putting on her 'resolve' face, "Don't even thinking about crying Buffy Summers or I'll kick your Slayer arse!"  
Buffy looked at her friend surprised and stuck out her tongue at her then said, "Kick my Slayer arse? Jeez , Willow! Spike much?"  
Willow flushed then stuttered, "W...well...you...you are so beautiful, I...I don't want you to have your make up messed!"  
Buffy smiled at her friend and said, "Ya know Will? I'm really going to miss you, when you go to England."  
Willow just nodded. She'd told the others about the Council's offer that afternoon, they all had been happy for her and Spike had even managed to mock her, masking his real feelings. She got close to her friend and said, "I'll miss you, Buffy, but I think you'll be in good hands..."  
Buffy beamed at her and said, "The best..."  
They tightly hugged and were interrupted only by Anya who said, "Sorry to interrupt this moving moment...and by the way Will, I'll miss you too, but we're late..."  
Buffy and Willow broke their hug and looked at each other for an instant before giggling, then Willow looking at Anya said, "We don't want to ruin the tradition, do we?"  
"A bride has got to be late on the wedding...it's a duty" Buffy added.  
Anya looked at the two girl puzzled, then she turned toward Buffy's mother who was giggling as well and shrugging muttered, "humans..."  
Meanwhile, downstairs, everything was ready for the wedding. Giles, Xander and Spike were near the Justice of peace, talking. There weren't many other people, and both Buffy and Giles thought it was perfect that way.  
When the Justice of Peace excused himself for some instant, Xander looked at Giles and grinning asked, "So, G-Man, how does it feel like?"  
Giles smiled and said, "It is breathtaking...and don't call me that" he quickly said, but he was practically beaming. None of them had ever seen him so happy.   
The groom and his best men were all dressed in black, with white shirts, though Giles had a tie while Xander and Spike not.  
"Well mate, you'd better get used to it...you’re going to get married soon, ain't you?" Spike asked Xander. The young man just grinned at him and said, "I want to make her happy..."  
"With you?" Spike asked raising his eyebrows.  
~ Spike? Behave! ~  
Willow silently told him from Joyce's bedroom. Spike shrugged at the woman's silent words and looking at the young man in front of him said, "Well...yeah, I've seen stranger things happening..."  
"Jeez Spike...you’re really going soft, ya know?" Xander said.  
"You have no idea..." Spike muttered shaking his head and thinking of the red-head who was upstairs with the slayer. He looked at Giles who was staring with an adoring gaze at a framed picture of Buffy which hung on a wall and he suddenly realized he was really happy for the two of them, he shook his head again and repeated, "You have no idea..."  
Giles was still staring at that framed picture. The picture had been taken a little after Buffy had arrived to Sunnydale. He still couldn't believe that he was about to marry Buffy. He shook his head and turned toward Xander to ask him something, but just then, the music started to fill the hair and the brides maids slowly began walking toward them.   
His breath caught in his throat when he saw Buffy. Joyce was giving her away since Hank Summers was in Europe for a business trip.  
Buffy looked radiant in her simple white dress, she slowly approached him, never taking her eyes away from him. When she stopped in front of him, Giles lightly lowered his head and kissed first her forehead, then her hand. Buffy smiled at him and whispered in a shaky voice, "Let's the fun begin" Giles just nodded, taking her right hand in his.   
The Justice of Peace looked at the couple, smiling. He'd gotten to knew Buffy and Giles, in the week before the marriage.   
Despite the age difference they were really a good matched couple and it was crystal clear they were deeply in love with each other. He smiled and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen we're here tonight to celebrate the love Buffy and Rupert feel for each other, their bond. Marriage is much more than a contract, it's a promise, a vow to be together as one, for better and for worse"  
The justice of peace then looked at Buffy and Giles who had wanted the wedding service to be very simple, but they'd asked to write their own vows, so the Justice of Peace looked at the two of them and said, " Buffy, Rupert? You can make your vows... "  
Buffy and Giles turned toward each other, Giles held both Buffy's hands in his and took a deep breath before saying, "Buffy, my love. Before these witnesses...before our friends...our family, I vow to stay by your side, always. I vow to share my life with you, to ease your burdens and to make you happy, as happy as you've made me, loving me. Before our friends, before our family, before these witnesses I vow to cherish and protect our marriage, and I vow to you, not even death will ever part us."   
He kissed her hands and looked at her in her eyes, they were full of tears. She let out a shaky breath and said, "Giles" she ignored her friends' giggles and continued in a cracked voice, "Rupert...you know I've never been good at speeches, but there's something I need to tell you before these witnesses, before our friends, before our family" she paused and then added, "If I'm here, now, I owe it to you. If I wake up everyday smiling I owe it to you. I love you so much. I've always been scared by this word. Perhaps because I didn't really understand its meaning. I believed love meant pain and darkness. I didn't know love could give such a complete happiness, I didn't imagine it could be as bright as sunlight. You taught me that, you taught me not to fear life. You gave me strength and courage. The love I feel for you goes beyond time because when I'm with you I don't fear anything, not even death. You're everything to me. You're my best friend, my partner, my conscience, my touchstone. What I can give you for the unconditional love you show me, is myself and I vow before our friends, before our family, before these witnesses that I'm going to spend the rest of my life making you happy, cherishing and protecting our marriage." She smiled at him, squeezing his hands and added with a slight smile, "You are right, you know? Not even death could ever part us..."  
They both turned toward Xander who silently gave them the rings. He had planned to feign having lost them, but their friends' speeches had made him change his mind.   
Giles slipped the gold band on Buffy's ring finger looking at her in her eyes, he didn't even notice his hand was lightly shaking, the breath caught in his throat when Buffy did the same. They both turned toward the Justice of Peace who, smiling said, "With the power given me by the laws of the California's State, I now declare you husband and wife." He looked at Giles and added, "You may now kiss the bride"  
Giles heard Spike mutter, "As if he needed your bloody suggestion" before he lowered his head and kissed her, and a chorus of, "Way to go, G-Man!" when they eventually parted from each other.   
Buffy wrapped an arm around his waist and turned to look at her friends saying grinning, "Don't ever call him that...it's my husband you’re talking about, ya know?" 

-6- 

How many sorrows  
Do you try to hide  
In a world of illusion  
That's covering your mind?  
~ Are they bloody kidding us? ~  
Spike silently asked Willow when the song started  
~ Eurythmics’ 'The Miracle of Love'? Who did choose the music, Poof Boy? ~  
Spike shook his head. He looked at Willow who was lightly smiling and shaking her head.   
~I don't know, but he or she is *so* gonna pay, ya know? ~   
I'll show you something good  
Oh I'll show you something good.  
When you open your mind  
You'll discover the sign  
Willow suddenly told him and closed her eyes, letting him lead them while they danced.  
That there's something  
You're longing to find...  
The miracle of love  
Will take away your pain  
When the miracle of love  
Comes your way again.  
~ How long it will take them to go away, anyway? ~  
Spike silently asked Willow, referring to Buffy and Giles. They kept dancing, they'd d been dancing for hours. He closed his eyes barely restraining himself from crushing her to himself. He knew they had the whole weekend to say good-bye to each other, yet he was using all his will's power not to kiss her in front of anyone. She was absolutely stunning that night. Her long emerald green dress, fit her body like a second skin. Buffy had been a beautiful bride, Anya had looked really lovely in the same dress, but Willow was astounding.   
~I wish I knew, Spike ~  
Willow replied.   
Cruel is the night  
That covers up your fears.  
Tender is the one  
That wipes away your tears.  
There must be a bitter breeze  
To make you sting so viciously -  
They say the greatest coward  
Can hurt the most ferociously.

He felt her shrug, Spike pulled her lightly closer to him while they were dancing, the song's words, hitting a little too close to home for both of them. He didn't want her to leave. He wish he hadn't been honest to her and had asked her to stay with him. He wish he hadn't cared. He wished he didn't love her so much that the idea she was going to leave him, was squeezing his un life out of him. He looked at her, to ask her not to go away, to ask her to stay with him, but when she smiled at him he knew he wasn't going to change his mind. He wasn't going to hold her back.  
~ You know Willow? It's a real luck I don't breathe, 'cause you're quite breathtaking tonight ~  
Willow raised her head and looked at him smiling, then whispered, "Thank you"  
"You're most welcome, Red."  
~ Why did you say that out loud? ~   
He silently asked. He realized they had shifted toward a corner of the room and were dancing much closer than friends normally did. He looked around and when sure no one had seen them he lightly pulled away from her, flashing her an apologetic look.  
~I wanted to...by the way did I tell you how absolutely yummy you look tonight? ~   
Spike held back a chuckle and shook his head saying out loud, "Thank you, I think."  
~ Yummy, Willow? ~  
Willow looked at him and whispered, "You're most welcome.."  
~ Just, wait until we're alone to find out how yummy you're to me, Spike. ~  
But I'll show you something good.  
Oh I'll show you something good.  
If you open your heart  
You can make a new start  
When your crumbling world falls  
apart.  
Spike looked at the woman in his arms and smiled at her, raising an eyebrow, yet his thoughts held an almost desperate tone when he silently told her,   
~I want to hold you tight to me, Willow...I don't give a damn whether they see us or not, that's   
torture! ~  
Willow looked at him surprised, she smiled at him and shrugging said, "Then just do it..."  
~ Hold me tight, Spike...~  
The miracle of love  
Will take away your pain  
When the miracle of love  
Comes your way again.  
She swallowed while the song’s words brought tears to her eyes and almost added, "Don't ever let me go", but she didn't do it. Yet when she felt Spike's arms wrapping around her waist she knew he'd heard her.   
-7-

When the night has come and  
the land is dark, and the moon  
is the only, light we'll see. No   
I won't be afraid no I won't be  
Afraid . Just as long, as you stand  
...stand by me.  
"It's true, Giles. Isn't it?" Buffy asked against Giles' shoulder. They were in the living room dancing. Most of the people who were at the wedding had left, except for the Scooby Gang and Buffy's mother..  
"What, love?" Giles asked lowering his head and meeting her eyes.   
"Are we really married? I'm not dreaming, aren't I?"  
Giles smiled at his wife, and tenderly traced her lips with his before saying, "As far as I can see, this is reality. We have been married for...three hours?"  
Buffy grinned at him and said, "I love being married, ya know?"  
"I'd say I rather love it, myself" he dryly replied. Buffy rested her chin against his chest while dancing and looking at him asked, "You know, Giles? We're married now...we can do a lot of things without being labeled as sinners."  
Giles frowned and stuttered, "Y...yes?"  
"Look around...Xander and Anya are exploring each other's tonsils on the couch..."  
"Buffy!" he exclaimed. He couldn't hide a smile though when he saw Xander and Anya deep in what it looked like a mind blowing kiss.  
"Mom is talking with the Justice of Peace" she continued, pointing with her eyes at her mother and the Justice of Peace who were talking.  
"Spike and Willow are still dancing together, even if for the life of me I can't understand why" she said pointing at the red-head and the vampire, who were dancing in a corner of the room.  
"I am glad you are such an observant woman, Buffy." he said teasing her.   
"Ah, ah...you’re so funny, hubby..." she dryly replied.   
"That's why you married me" he deadpanned.   
"Yes, among the other things" she bit her bottom lip and pulling herself closer to him whispered, "Why are we still here, Giles? I'd say we should get the hell outta here... "  
Giles looked around then looking at her said, "We can't just go away..."  
"Betcha?" she asked pulling away from him and placing her hands on her hips. She grinned at him before clearing her throat and said aloud, "Guys?"  
They all looked at her, Buffy shrugged and said, "Hmm...Giles and I are leaving. As much as we love ya...and please believe me, we *so* love ya, we wouldn't have ever stuck our heads out of the sand and smelled the coffee, or rather the Earl Gray without your help...we really need to go..." She took a deep breath and looked at Giles, her friends, her mom and the Justice of Peace who were all trying their best not to laugh at her and shrugging said, "Aw screw it! I want to be alone with my husband, is that a crime?"  
At those words, they all laughed, then Willow said, "Have a nice honeymoon, Buff!"  
Buffy grinned then grabbed the bouquet from a table and said, "Ok, before I go, let's see who catch this!"  
She turned, while Anya, Willow and Joyce gathered behind her, then she threw the bouquet, which with a little of Willow's help was caught by Anya, who smiled and turned toward a beaming Xander. Buffy turned toward them and said smiling, "Way to Go, Anya!"  
She then looked at Willow, who was sweetly smiling at the former demon and her best friend. That girl never ceased to surprise her. She got close to Willow and hugged her tightly then whispered in her ear, "I know you're hiding something from me...and I don't care...just be happy...and be careful in England, sis"  
Willow buried her face in Buffy's shoulder and tightly held her, though she didn't tell her anything. When they parted they were both crying, Buffy wiped away some tears from Willow's cheeks and said, "Don't let those pillocks change ya..."  
Willow grinned at her through the tears and said, "Don't worry, Buff...." She paused then added, "be happy, sis..."  
Buffy nodded, and turned, Giles was next to her she smiled at him and said, "I guess you have to tell her something, uh?"  
Giles just nodded, Buffy raised on her tip toes, kissed his lips and left them alone. Giles looked at Willow and said, "Thank you, Willow, for everything."  
"Hey, no biggie..." she protested, trying to stop new tears which were clouding her sight.   
"Be careful in England, I am sure you are going to be a terrific watcher." He sincerely said.  
"I learned from the best" she whispered, before pulling him in a bear hug, when they parted Giles said smiling, "Let those old pillocks know how a real Watcher has to be..."  
Willow nodded again, not trusting her voice. She hadn't expected saying good-bye to them to be easy, she hadn't imagine though, it would have been so painful. She smiled, though, when she said, "Go and take your wife on your honeymoon, we don't want an upset slayer, do we?"  
Giles chuckled at her words. Buffy joined them some seconds later and took Giles' hand in hers saying, "Time to go, hubby..."  
"Your wish is my command, love" he whispered.  
"Keep having this 'tude and we're really gonna have fun..." she grinned at him.  
Giles shook his head and said grinning as well, "You're incorrigible!"  
"That's why you love me so much"  
"I guess so" he said, he led her to the door, once they were on the porch he asked raising his eyebrows, "Care to find out how much I love you?"  
Buffy pulled him to her and kissed him before saying in a husky voice, "I'm looking forward to it, actually"  
His grin was almost Ripperish when he whispered, "Good"  
Buffy smiled at his husband, shivering in anticipation she traced his lips with her tongue and purred, "C'mon Ripper, let's go to our honeymoon"

-8-  
Buffy was looking at her reflected image in the mirror of Giles' apartment. They were going to leave for Rome the next day, but they had decided to spend their first night as husband and wife in their house.  
She smiled at herself. She didn't remember ever being so nervous about something. They'd waited so long it almost seemed impossible the time had come. 

She told herself. She took a last look at her reflected image in the mirror. She was wearing an ivory colored silk nightgown, it hinted more than it showed, her hair was still loose on her shoulders. She took a deep breath and looked at her left hand. The gold band and engagement ring sparkled under the bathroom's lights. She raised an eyebrow and said aloud, "Oh, God...I'm a married woman!"  
She put a hand on her mouth to cover a fit of giggles. She leaned against a wall and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes for an instant, when she reopened them whispered, "And now, Mrs. Giles, let's go and enjoy your honeymoon."  
The bedroom was lit by candles. They were everywhere. Buffy smiled recalling what Giles had told her the night they had admitted their feelings to each other.

She looked around and was not surprised when she saw, daisies' bouquets placed in various spots in the room. She took some steps forward, Giles was sitting on the edge of the bed, he was still wearing his suit, though he wasn't wearing his jacket and tie and he had rolled the shirt's sleeves up to his elbows.  
"You are sexy!" she exclaimed surprised, sitting on the bed next to him.  
"Uhm...thank you?" he said, frowning.  
Buffy shrugged and said, "I knew you were sexy...I've been in denial for years, but I wasn't blind...it's just that...aw crap! You took my breath away when I saw you! You're...wow! And why I don't just shut up?" she shook her head and hid her face in her hands.  
Giles put an arm around Buffy's shoulders and said, "It's okay, I'm a bit nervous too. We've been waiting for so long...while you were changing in the bathroom I tried to rationalize this feeling, recalling that I had already seen you naked before..."  
"I did the same thing" she admitted, glad she wasn't the only one feeling that nervous.  
"Really?" he asked surprised.  
"Nope, I actually was thinking about getting out from the bathroom's window" she deadpanned.  
"Ah, bloody, ah" he mumbled.  
"Funny thing is, I was ready to get out when it suddenly dawned on me that I am a married woman".   
Giles looked at her, the 'duh', though not spoken was clearly heard in the room.   
"Yeah, right, keep watching me like that hubby, and you'll be sorry..." she said, feigning anger.  
"How sorry? What would you do to me?" he whispered, getting his face close to hers. Buffy shrugged and said raising an eyebrow, "First thing first, I'd kiss you" she traced his lips with her tongue, then lightly forced his mouth open and kissed him, after a long while she parted from him, they were both panting and smiling she said, "Almost senseless"   
Giles just nodded, trying to calm the pounding in his chest and the tension building in his groin. She surprised him pinning him on the mattress and sitting above him, he raised his hands and touched her bare arms with his fingertips, smiling at the Goosebumps who was forming on her skin .  
"What would you do, then?" He asked. He ached to touch her, but he didn't do that. It was Buffy who took his hands in hers and placed them over her breasts, teasing, "Ya can touch me now, Giles, we're married, ya know?"  
"Oh, Mrs. Giles, I can promise you I know that" he said smiling at her.   
He gently touched her, brushing her nipples through the soft fabric of her night gown with his fingers, he didn't think he had ever heard such a beautiful sound as Buffy's low moans when he touched her.  
"Is it silk?" he asked in a low voice.  
Buffy opened her eyes and asked, "W...what?"  
"The night gown...is it silk?"  
"Y...yes it is" she whispered, not understanding why he was asking her that.  
"Take it off, then...or I'll rip it myself" he gently ordered  
Buffy smiled at his words, and murmured, "Help me" She raised her arms above her head and looking at him whispered, "Undress me"  
Giles lowered his hands to her hips, then on her thighs, he grazed the fabric of her night gown then he slowly helped her out of it. As he had already guessed Buffy was naked under the night gown.  
He touched her bare skin with both his hands, trying to ignore his arousal, though it wasn't that difficult too mesmerized as he was by the softness of her skin and by her scent. He let out a sigh and whispered, "Oh Lord, Buffy. You're so beautiful"  
Buffy's response to his words was a long, carnal kiss. When they parted from each other Buffy said, "You have too many clothes on"  
Giles grinned at her then surprised her turning thus shifting positions so that he was on top of her, now. He kissed her mouth, first, then her chin and neck and whispered, "I am sure, we can do something about it"  
Buffy just grinned at him. She could feel his arousal through his trousers, her hands went on his shirt and she grazed his chest and shoulders, before she slowly began unbuttoning it, while Giles was lightly nibbing her earlobe. He raised his head and Buffy was surprised by the look in his eyes, its green was darker, yet there was a light in them which sent jolt of electricity throughout her body. Giles grinned at her and said, "It's not silk...you can rip it off, I don't really care."  
He then kissed her, while his hand began exploring her body in a sensual caress. Buffy began undressing him more quickly, helped by Giles, who never stopped, though, touching her.   
"I can't believe this is really happening" she breathed when eventually Giles was naked in her arms.  
"I second that" he said in a husky voice, lowering his hand to caress her inner thighs. His fingers had just reached her center, when she stopped him taking his face in both her hands. Giles looked at her worried, Buffy was smiling yet her voice was slightly cracked when she said, "Make. Love. To. Me."  
"I want to make sure you are..."  
Buffy let out a shaky sigh and whispered, "I'm ready Giles, any more ready and I'm going to howl to the moon. I want you inside of me. I need you inside of me...now!" She giggled at her own words and said raising her eyebrows, "Nympho much?"  
Giles shook his head and kissed her lips before saying, "I know what you mean, and I know it's not just about sex."  
Buffy slowly nodded at his words. As always Giles knew what she meant with her words, as usual he could see her innermost thoughts. She was glad he understood that her need of a physical contact went beyond sex. She wanted him so bad that it almost hurt, though that was the sweetest pain she'd ever known, but what she really wanted was to feel him close, so close she could sense his soul and he could sense her.  
"Make. Love. To. Me." she slowly repeated spreading her legs for him and wrapping them around his hips.  
Giles just smiled at her before saying, "Your wish is my command, Mrs. Giles."  
"I told ya we were going to have fun, if ya kept this 'tude!" she deadpanned. They both chuckled for a second, then their eyes met, and Buffy was surprised by what she read in Giles' eyes. He was silently asking her permission to go on, she just nodded before breathing against his lips, "Make. Love. To. Me"  
When Giles entered her, Buffy felt her heart was going to explode. He was filling her, not only her body with a pleasure she'd ever known, but her soul as well. She'd never felt that whole and when their glares fixed she knew he was feeling the same.  
While their lovemaking grew in intensity, they both felt their souls connect in a way it had never happened before. Wave after wave, the pleasure took them and they both felt their love, their bond strengthening and when they climaxed, together, they really felt as one person, born from the ashes of mistakes and regrets. A unique, perfect person, born from the ashes of fear of rejection and a silence which had threatened to part them, for good.   
They both knew, however, that their past didn't matter anymore. They were together, it was all which really mattered.   
-9-  
Spike was looking at Willow's luggages. They were in a corner of the room. He had avoided looking at them the whole week-end, yet they had been all he had been able to look at for the past hour.   
It was their last hours together. Their week-end had gone by so quickly he almost couldn't believe it.   
He felt Willow shivering in his arms, and without thinking he pulled her closer to him, forgetting for an instant how cold his skin was. Willow didn't seem to mind, though. She snuggled against him, he could feel her smile against his chest, Spike kissed her hair, feeling the sudden urge to sigh.  
They had talked a lot over the week-end, both aloud and through their link. They had talked about lots of things but their relationship, Spike knew that it was the moment to talk about it.  
~ I want you to see other people, Willow ~   
"What?" She asked in a low voice turning so that they were facing each other.  
~ When you're in London...you'll meet someone and I don't want you to feel committed to me... ~  
"What the *fuck* are you talking about?" she asked sitting on the bed.  
Spike was surprised. In the years he had known her he'd never heard her swearing.   
~ Don't look at me, like that, Willow! You're young and beautiful. You're going to meet someone and I don't want you... ~  
"SHUT UP" she shouted interrupting him.  
~ I'm just trying not to be a selfish bastard for a change! ~  
He silently snapped. Willow turned toward him and shook her head. then closed her eyes  
~ Well, ya know what, Spike? I want you to be a selfish bastard! I want you to be the worst selfish bastard ever! I want you to tell me I don't even have to dare looking at another man as long as I live, because I'm yours ~  
~ Why? ~ he silently asked  
~ Why? Bloody hell, Spike, dense much? Because it hurts like hell when you tell me to go on with my life...because I don't want to tell you to do the same, to go ahead with your un life, because I'd *so* gladly squeeze the life out of every female who'll try to touch you ~  
"Because I love you, you bastard!" she whispered.  
Spike closed his eyes and shook his head  
~ You don't make things easier, you know? ~  
~ Duh, Spike! I'm a human madly in love with a vampire! I'm glad you've eventually figured this one out! ~  
Spike grinned at her words and said, "I love you too, Willow, you know that, don't you?"  
Willow just nodded and kissed his cheekbones, then placed her lips against his cool forehead.  
~ We can make this work, Spike. This is not the end for us ~  
Spike slowly nodded, but he said aloud, "It would never work, Red and you know that. You're right, though. This is not the end. I'll always be there for ya"  
Willow lightly pulled away from him and looked at him in his eyes saying, "And I'll always be there for ya"  
She kissed his fore head and pulled him to her chest, whispering, "Can you hear it? It's my heart beating and it belongs to you. It always will" she paused then slowly, but in a firm voice added, "I always will"  
Spike wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her chest, fighting the tears which were threatening to spill  
~ My heart doesn't beat, Willow, but all I am is yours, it always will. I belong to you ~  
He raised his head to meet her green eyes. He grinned at her and said, "I'm really going soft, I know that."  
Willow grinned back at him and said, "Yeah, I noticed, but I kinda like it..."  
"You did cast a spell on me, Willow...you made me fall so in love with you, that I can barely recognize myself"  
"No spells...I can promise you. The mushiness was buried somewhere within ya..."  
Spike growled at her but there was amusement in his eyes. He kissed her lips and said, "I've got something for ya..."  
He got up from the bed and took something from his duster's pocket, when he returned to the bed and sat next to her, Willow realized it was a jewelry box.  
He opened it revealing two plain silver bands.  
~ I'm not the gold type guy, Willow ~  
He silently told her, sliding one of the bands on Willow's right ring finger.   
~ I haven't got time to get something written behind it, but I'd like you to wear it ~  
Willow slowly shook her head  
"What? You don't want to?" he asked aloud. Willow shrugged, and slid the ring on her left ring finger saying, "Wrong hand"  
~ It's not an engagement ring, Willow. ~ he silently explained.   
"I know, but we've just told each other we belong together...you don't have to wear it on your left hand, but I'm gonna do it, so get over it, Spike!" she said putting on her resolve face.   
Spike grinned at her, he took his ring and slid it on his left finger ring, then he pulled her in a long kiss.   
When he reluctantly broke the kiss, to let her breathe, Willow tightly hugged him then whispered in his ear, "Drink from me"  
Spike pulled her lightly away and asked, "What?"  
"I want you to drink from me" she whispered.  
Spike couldn't help blinking. In the eight months they had been together he had never drunk from her, he had never asked and she'd never offered to. He knew she hadn't done it for lack of trust, they both knew he would have never hurt her, it had seemed, though, a too intimate act to both them.   
He longed to taste her blood, he could often smell it, and he was delighted by it, he had often fought his demon not to bit her. He looked at her and asked, "Are you sure, Willow?"  
"Yes" she simply said, then whispered, "I want you to taste my blood, I know you long for it."  
"Am I that obvious?" he asked raising his eyebrows  
"Duh, Spike! You're a vampire...you've done it for hundreds of years, do the math!"  
"I don't want to taste your blood 'cause I'm a vampire" he protested.   
Willow raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest.  
~ Liar ~ she teased him.  
Spike couldn't help smiling, "Alright, a big ugly part of me wants to taste your blood because I'm a vampire...albeit a part time one" he shrugged then added, "but when we suck your blood, we feel your life, your feelings flowing into us, it's an intense experience...almost as intense as making love"  
"I know" she just said, "That's why I asked you to drink from me. You can read my mind...you know my body...it's about time you got the whole package"  
"I'd offer you the same, but as we both know, we can't do that" he said.  
"I should say, so." she commented dryly.  
Spike, caressed her cheeks and whispered, "It won't hurt."  
~I won't hurt you ~ he silently added.  
Willow tilted her head on a side, offering him her neck and whispered, "I know"  
Spike got close to her and placed his mouth on her neck. He licked it, smiling against it, when he heard Willow's moans. He kissed it, feeling the blood flowing under her warm skin. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him, when he felt the demon emerge. He scraped her neck's skin with his fangs and closed his eyes when he slowly bit her.   
He winked when he felt her sweet blood flowing in his throat. It was the sweetest blood he'd ever tasted. In those brief moments, he knew all about her. Her shyness, her insecurities, but at the same time the passion and the fire which lied just beneath the surface, her terrific magic powers, and the overwhelming love she felt for him. He felt blood tears swelling in his eyes and let them fall. No one had ever loved him so much. Willow didn't care he was evil and proud of that, she didn't care about his past. She loved him enough to let him be what he really was. She trusted him enough to know he would ever hurt her.   
~ Oh, goddess Spike...don't stop, please ~ she silently moaned gripping his shoulders with her nails.   
~ I've to, luv ~ He silently said, pulling her away from him. Willow looked at him, he was still in his game face, but she wasn't scared. She got close to him and kissed his lips, tasting her own blood. He held her tight and whispered, "How do you feel?"  
Willow raised her head, he had morphed back on his human face, "I feel weird...my head is spinning and there's a strange buzz in my ears"  
"Blood loss" he whispered. Willow noticed his cheeks were damp, red rivulets marked them. She raised her hands and wiped the blood tears away from his cheeks saying, "Will you hold me for a while?"  
Spike nodded looking at the alarm on the night stand. The sun was about to rise. He lowered his head and looking at her said, "Lie down and rest for a while."  
Willow who had lowered her head just nodded against his chest. They lay in silence for a while. Spike was beginning to feel sleepy, when he heard Willow getting up from the bed. He didn't open his eyes for a long time. He heard her enter the bathroom, the noise of water running, her quiet sobs, which matched his silent tears. He heard her getting out from the bathroom and let himself got lost in her unique scent for the last time. He heard her taking her bags from the floor and opening the door, then closing it behind her.   
That was it.  
Suddenly it was all silent. There weren't noises, just a huge emptiness which threatened to swallow him whole. He let out a sob and covered his mouth with a hand. He couldn't hear her for a long time, then when a pain filled sleep was almost enveloping him, he heard her again, so clear that he opened his eyes, sure she was in the room with him, hoping she'd changed her mind.  
~ I love you, William... ~  
She kept saying. Spike couldn't help smiling between the tears and whispered, "I love you too Willow."  
THIRD PART: things happen.   
********Three Years Later***********

-1-  
Blood.   
He could smell it, on his shirt and his skin, its smell was so strong that he was sure he was about to throw up. He could feel it drying on his skin, his own blood and hers.  
The man who was sitting on that hospital chair was shattering. He felt his heart, his soul slowly dissolving while he waited for the inevitable.   
He rested his head against a wall and gazed at the ceiling. He wasn't hurt, except for a scar on his forehead, he had trouble breathing, though he couldn't tell whether it was for a physical cause.   
"Don't let her die, please..." the man whispered, "please, don't let her die"  
He closed his eyes and kept whispering, "Don't let her die...take me, but don't let her die..."  
He opened his eyes when he heard someone enter the room, it was a doctor, who approached him saying, "Mr. Harris?"  
Xander got up from his chair and asked in a low voice, "How is my wife?"  
The doctor took a deep breath and said, "I'm afraid there is nothing we can do" he paused then added, "You'd better call her relatives"  
Xander swallowed and closed his eyes, feeling like someone had squeezed the air out of his lungs. He had to lean against a wall. The doctor got close to him and said, "You lost a lot of blood...you'd better sit down"  
Xander shook his head and said, "I've got to call our family..."  
The doctor nodded and left the room. Xander felt the first tears trail down his cheeks while he repeated, "I've got to call our family"  
-2-  
The ring of the telephone awoke Giles from a troubled sleep, he sat on the bed and had to brush over his very pregnant wife to answer it.   
Buffy awoke when Giles switched on the nightstand’s lamp moaning, "Why Willow hasn't learned yet the difference of time between here and New York?"  
Giles smiled at her then answered, "Hello?"  
Buffy opened her eyes. She could see from Giles' face it wasn't Willow on the other side of the telephone. She touched his forearm, Giles squeezed her hand and closed his eyes before saying, "I'll be right there"  
He hung up the telephone and turned toward her. His eyes were full of tears. Buffy instinctively put a hand on her swollen belly murmuring, "Who?"  
Giles swallowed and said, "Xander and Anya. They were both in a car accident"  
"Are they..?" she asked gripping almost painfully his hand.  
Giles shook his head no, "Xander is fine, it was him over the phone, Anya..." he paused, then added, "Anya couldn't make it through the night..."  
Buffy got up from the bed saying, "Let's go. We'll call Willow and Spike on the way to the hospital"  
"Buffy" he said getting up from the bed. Buffy was quickly dressing, she turned toward him and said, "Let's go, Giles! You'll play concerned hubby and daddy-to-be later, alright?"  
"I..." he whispered.   
"I said *let's go* !" she hissed.  
Giles just nodded before putting on something to wear, Buffy grabbed the car's keys a stake and stormed out of their bedroom.  
Giles quickly followed wondering when had been last time he had been that scared for one of his children. 

-3-  
The trip to the hospital was quick, Buffy called Willow, who was working in New York for the Watcher's Council, then she reached Spike who had been living on his own for two years in Sunnydale on his cell phone. They both promised to arrive as soon as possible. When they arrived to the hospital, they found out Spike was already there.   
Over the last three years he'd become an active member of the Scooby Gang, even when they had been able to disable the chip which prevented him from hurting humans. It was him who met them in the hallway  
"Where is Xander?" Buffy asked.  
"He's with Anya" he paused then said, "he's saying good-bye to her."  
Buffy gripped Giles' hand and closed her eyes, while tears began rolling down her cheeks, she couldn't help sobbing against her husband's shoulder. Anya had become a very good friend to her over the years.   
She felt Giles' hand stroking her hair and his quiet voice while he asked Spike, "How is Xander?"  
Spike's silence was more eloquent than any words he could have said.   
"Let's go waiting for him." Spike said.   
They sat for long hours in the waiting room. None of them spoke, lost as they were in their thoughts, in their memories.   
Xander and Anya had gotten married six months after Buffy and Giles' wedding. They had lived with them for a while, since they couldn't afford nothing more.   
Xander had surprised them all, he was about to major in Anthropology and he had been already offered a teaching job at the U.C. Sunnydale.   
Their lives had been fairly quiet. There had been dangers and crisis over the years, but they'd been able to get past them with flying colors. They'd almost forgotten that sense of utterly impotence they were all feeling now.   
Buffy was sitting on a chair, caressing her swollen abdomen, trying her best not to sob. Giles was leaning against a wall staring at an indefinite point in the room, while Spike was slowly pacing the room. He was silent, yet he looked like he was busy in a silent conversation with himself. None of them seemed to notice it, though.   
They all turned toward the door when they heard it open. Xander entered the room, there was a huge scar on his forehead, and a bruise was beginning to form on his left jaw, his eyes were red and puffy with crying, his clothes were shredded and dirty with blood.  
"She's gone" he slowly said, his voice broken. Buffy was the first to get close to him, she took him in her arms and hugged him tightly.   
Xander brushed her hair with trembling fingers before he slowly pulled her away from him. Giles got close to him and shrugged before placing a hand on his shaking shoulder. Xander looked at the man who over the years had become his best friend and whispered, "She's gone..."  
Giles nodded at the man in front of him, noticing new lines around his eyes. Xander took a deep breath before saying, "I love her...and she's gone" His voice broke when he asked, "Why didn't I die in her place, Giles?"  
Giles' grip on Xander's shoulder strengthened. He didn't know what to say. Xander looked at him shaking his head and said, "I suppose it doesn't matter now."  
Spike had gotten close to the three of them, barely containing his rage. Xander had told something about the accident. Their car had been pushed toward a guardrail by another car which was exceeding the speed limit.   
He swore to himself whoever had killed Anya Harris, was dearly going to pay. He'd grown fond of Xander and Anya. He'd gotten to love Anya, she'd helped him a lot during the first few months after Willow had left for England. She'd been a friend to him, a real friend, and he knew he was going to really miss her.   
"Xander" he slowly said.   
The man looked at the vampire with puzzled eyes. "What?" he weakly asked. He was tired, so tired. All he wanted was to crawl somewhere and sleep until death took pity on him and took him away from that dulling pain which was slowly swallowing him.   
"I'm sorry." Spike simply said.   
"Yeah...well, so am I" Xander said shaking his head. He knew that for Spike saying this out loud was hard so he looked at the vampire, who had been the first one to arrive at the hospital and added, "Thank you...Anya...well, she loves ..." he stopped and he shook his head again saying, "loved...I gotta remember that..." he closed his eyes, feeling breathless then he slowly added, "She loved you...she always said you were a good friend to her."  
"Do you want me to take care of ... Giles started. Xander shook his head and said, "No, thank you. I'll take care of that. Why...uhm..." he shook his head and took a deep breath, leaning on Giles for a second. His head was spinning and he was hyperventilating. His throat itched for the urge to scream, but he ignored that urge. He knew that if he began screaming and crying he wouldn't have ever been able to stop. They all helped him to sit on a chair, Xander nodded at them and said, "I just need to sit down for a while...and I'll be fine..."  
He put his hands on his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. He stared at the wall which was in front of him for a while and slightly smiled while tears began rolling on his cheeks. He didn't seem aware of that, though. Buffy looked at Giles, worried, then at Spike who shook his head and placed a hand on Giles' shoulder. Giles looked at the vampire and understood the look in his eyes he knelt in front of Xander and said, "Xander?"  
Xander's smile widened, yet a throaty noise escaped from his smiling lips. Giles took him by the shoulders and shook him saying aloud, "Xander? Can you hear me?"   
Xander didn't seem to hear him. He was sobbing, yet his lips were curved in a smile. Buffy got actually scared by that smile. Last time she'd seen it, Xander's body had been possessed by a hyena. She couldn't kneel in front of him but she stroked his hair, whispering, "Xander, please can you hear us?"   
Xander just kept smiling, while tears spilled on his cheeks. He didn't seem aware of their presence anymore. He kept gazing at a point in the room.   
"Spike?" Giles slowly said, without breaking eye contact with Xander, "Go and call a doctor, Xander is in shock." He paused then added, "You should leave, the sun is about to rise."  
Spike nodded and left the waiting room, leaving Buffy and Giles alone with Xander. Giles began talking to Xander in a calm, soothing voice. He told him everything was going to be fine, he told him the pain was eventually going to fade, he told him they were going to be by his side, helping him through what was happening to him. When the doctor arrived, Xander had stopped crying, he was just staring at a wall.   
The doctor knelt in front of him and checked on his pulse, he then flashed a light in his eyes. He got up and said, "He's in shock. We'll give him a mild sedative and keep him under observation....are you family?" he asked Buffy and Giles.  
"Yes, we are." Giles said. Buffy and him had become Xander and Anya's next of kin two years before, after the death of Xander's mother.   
"I don't want to stay here" Xander suddenly said in a cracked voice.  
"Mr. Harris, you're ..." the doctor began.  
Xander slowly got up and then looking at the doctor said in a colorless voice, "My wife is just dead, I want to stay with my family...not in a hospital room, thank you. "   
"Mr. Harris..." the doctor began. Giles, though, placed a hand on the doctor's shoulder and looked at him saying, "We'll take care of him."  
The look in Giles' eyes, told the doctor he wouldn't have heard another word from him except for a yes, so he lightly shrugged and said turning toward Xander, "Mr. Harris are you sure?"  
"Yes, I am. " he paused then added, "Thank you. I know you did all you could, to save her."  
The doctor nodded. Xander let out a sigh and shook his head then said, "Let's get out of here, please"  
Giles and Buffy stood by his side, and they slowly walked out from the hospital.   
-4-  
The funeral was held the evening after. There were few people at it. The Scooby Gang was all gathered around Xander, who stood still the whole time, not shedding a tear, not saying a word to anyone, just holding a white rose so tight that the thorns in it lacerated his flesh making him bled, though he didn't seem to notice until Spike told him to wash the blood away from his hand.   
His friends looked at him without knowing what to do. Xander hadn't talked to any of them about what he was feeling, not even to Willow.   
He was staying with Buffy and Giles, though none of them never saw him.   
It was two evenings later when Giles called Willow, telling her they needed her. Willow arrived at Buffy and Giles' house. It was Giles who opened the door. Willow let herself in and pulled Giles in a quick hug before asking, "Is he upstairs?"  
Giles just nodded while he was closing the door and said, "He is in the bedroom."  
Willow shook her head and whispered, "It's so unfair...they visited me last month and they were both so happy..."  
Giles didn't know what to say, so he just shrugged noticing how her eyes as those of all of us, except Spike's were still red and puffy, they had all cried a lot over the last two days. He noticed the bag she was carrying as well, she just shrugged and placing it on the floor said before going upstairs, "Watcher's duty...ya know. " she paused then added, "It's been good to see you again...even if I'd liked not to come back for this reason "  
Giles just nodded at the woman's words and watched her while she went upstairs. He closed his eyes and sighed then threw the mug he was holding in his hands against a wall, wincing when he heard it shattering. Tears rolled on his cheeks, while he mourned for his lost friend. 

-5-  
"May I come in?" Willow said after knocking at the bedroom's door.   
She waited for Xander's answer for a second then she knocked again, when she didn't hear him answer she opened the door. Xander was nowhere to be seen.   
"Xander?" she called. She entered the room, it was dark except for a lamp on the night stand which was on, the sheets were disheveled. There was a torn jacket on the bed. Willow's eyes filled with tears when she saw the blood on it, only then she heard the noise of water running from the bathroom. She took some steps forward then knocked at the bathroom's door, when no one answered she got scared.  
~ Why did you leave him alone? ~ she silently asked Spike. She knew he was in the house, though she hadn't seen him, yet. They hadn't had time to be alone and talk since she'd arrived.  
~ He sent us away, Willow...~ Spike answered.  
Willow shook her head and opened the door, surprised when she didn't find it locked. She was prepared to the worst, seeing Xander dead on the floor, or something like that, she actually expected the worst. She didn't imagine the worst could be seeing Xander sitting in the bathtub, still dressed like the day before, while the shower's cold water was pouring over him.   
"Xander?" she tentatively asked.  
Xander closed his eyes, hugging his knees more tightly, he buried his face on his knees. Willow got close to him repeating, "Xander? It's me, Willow."  
Xander didn't raise his head but said, "She's gone, Will...I tried to help her...but she's gone...I just held when she died...I saw her life leaving her...and couldn't stop it..."  
"I'm sorry" she whispered kneeling in front of him, "I'm so sorry..."   
Xander raised his head, Willow noticed his lips were purple and he was deathly pale. She got on her knees and leaned toward Xander turning off the water, then said, "Let's get out of here...you must be freezing"  
"I like it" he simply said.   
"Yeah, really? Remind me of it when you catch pneumonia" she said grabbing a towel from a shelf behind her. She wrapped it around Xander's shoulders and began stroking his back but she stopped, letting slip the towel on the floor when he said, "As if I fucking care!"  
Willow shook her head and said, "Yeah, whatever you say, Xand...now just get the hell out of this bathtub, will you?"  
She helped him stand up, he was soaking wet, he leaned on her while she helped him to get out from the bathtub.  
"Stay put" she said while she began unbuttoning his wet shirt, she let it fall on the floor, when she reached his trousers' belt she raised her head and said, "You've got to help me on this one, ok Xander?"  
The man was trembling now but he nodded and helped her undressing him. She took a deep breath and said, "Now don't move. I'll get you a robe, ok? Don't go suicidal on me, please..."  
Xander couldn't help smiling a little at her words. Willow got out from the bathroom and returned some seconds later holding a robe in her hands, she handed it to him and said, "Here, put it on..."  
He slowly obeyed her, while new tears began swelling in his eyes, he shrugged and said wrapping himself tightly in it, "We bought this for Giles, last Christmas. Anya chose it."  
"Yeah? I sent him a tie...Buffy told me he still hates me for it and still hates the tie with a passion..." she replied. She wasn't going to let him drown in his sorrow. As much as the others loved him they didn't know him as she did. They didn't know how to deal with him.  
She wrapped an arm around his waist and led him to the bedroom. She made him lie on the bed and covered him with the blankets, she took her coat off and added it to the blankets, noticing that Xander was still shivering.  
"You'll soon feel better..." she whispered sitting next to him.   
"Will I?" he asked looking at her for the first time. He shrugged then said, "Well yeah, I've just buried my wife, made sure she hasn't returned as a vampire, so perhaps you are right Willow, I can happily go on with my life!"  
Willow shook her head and said, "No, Xander. You'll still mourn, you'll still feel like shit, but eventually you'll start feeling better, and you'll live, because Anya would have wanted you to keep living..."  
"Yeah, I guess so...but problem is I don't want to...I just want to be with her again."  
"And drowning yourself in Buffy and Giles' bathtub was going to help you to?" she asked raising her eyebrows.  
"Christ, Willow, why don't you just get the hell out of here?" he snapped, sitting on the bed.   
"Not on your life, Xand." She whispered.   
"You're not needed here, you're not wanted here...just get the fuck out of here!" he shouted.   
"You already told me this, though in less colored words, I'd say and I'd already answered you. " she calmly replied.  
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" he asked. He couldn't help the tears which were clouding his sight.   
Willow shrugged and said, "I guess old habits are really hard to die"  
Xander shook his head and smiled through the tears, his smile quickly faded in a grimace and soon he found himself pulled against his friend, crying, "I...I don't know how to go on...I don't know what I'll do without her..."  
"You'll live, Xander" Willow whispered against his damp hair, she took a deep breath and added, "You'll always miss her, but one day you'll love again...and you'll be happy again."  
Xander shook his head and pulled away saying, "Look at me Willow! I'm not even thirty...and I feel like I've lived too many lives. I've lost so many people...I...I know I won't love again...I won't let myself to...no more pain, please...no more pain..."  
He sobbed against her chest, repeating those last words over and over.  
"It will get better, Xander...I promise" she whispered when he finally drifted to sleep. "I promise you..."

-6-  
"Don't ever dare touching me again, you bastard!" Buffy said Giles through clenched teeth while a contraction hit her. She gripped her husband's hand trying not to scream.  
"I know it hurts, love..." Giles whispered brushing away some damp locks from her forehead.   
"You have no idea...oh, God!" she shouted arching her head  
"Breathe, love...breath" Giles said caressing her hair. Buffy looked at him and hissed, "I know!"   
Buffy nodded trying to breathe as she'd been taught. She felt Giles' hand on her neck, she raised her head and looking at his husband said, "I wasn't serious before...it was the pain talking"  
Giles smiled, "I know, love..."  
"Quite sure of yourself, uh?" Buffy said smiling, her smile faded when another contraction hit her, she bit her bottom lip not to scream, but she didn't succeed, she let out a muffled scream, she felt Giles brushing hair away from her face and murmuring, "You are fantastic, love..."  
"Yeah? Just wait until I knock you out for putting me in this mess!" she said.  
Giles smiled at his wife, ignoring the nurses' giggles, she turned toward Buffy's doctor asking in his best Ripper voice, "Can't you give her something to ease the pain?"  
Buffy almost laughed at his husband's voice between breaths, she raised her head and said, "Now, Giles don't go Ripper on us, will ya?"  
The doctor, swallowed but shook his head saying, "I'm afraid it's too late, I can see the baby's head, now Buffy, at the next contraction I want you to push, alright?"   
Buffy just nodded, while she felt another contraction coming, she pushed, gripping Giles' hand hoping she wasn't breaking it.  
"Push, love..." Giles instructed her. Buffy tightened her grip on Giles' hand and said through gritted teeth, "Shut the hell up...I know I've to push!"  
Another contraction hit her, Buffy pushed with all her might letting out a primal groan while doing it. She then dropped into his husband's arms, and couldn't help crying when she heard her baby's first cry.  
"It's a girl!" the doctor happily said. Buffy weakly raised her head and looked at his husband, seeing mirrored in his eyes her same concern. She swallowed and asked, "How is she?"  
"She's fine, Mrs. Giles...see for yourself" the doctor said placing the baby on Buffy's stomach. Buffy's smile lit the room, she grazed her baby's cheeks and said in a cracked voice, "Hey, little one...welcome..." she chuckled when she heard Giles clearing his throat and said, "The big man who's trying his best not to cry is your daddy..." she took the baby in her arms and raised her head to look at his husband saying, "So G-Daddy, say hi to your daughter"  
-7-  
The two months following Anya's death, had flown by in a haze to all of them. Willow had returned to New York, calling them everyday to know how Xander was coping, she hadn't had time to be with Spike when she'd returned home for Anya's funeral. They'd only had a moment when she'd left Xander. She'd gotten out from the house and had sit on a bench in the garden, letting go of the sorrow she'd felt when she'd seen Xander. She had still been crying when had heard Spike's voice.   
"Long time no see, Red" he had said aloud.  
~I missed you ~ he'd silently told her.  
"Well, yeah...it's been a long time" she had said wiping away tears from her face with the back of her hand.  
~I missed you too ~ she had silently added.   
Spike had sat next to her on the bench saying, "Life sucks, Red..."  
"That's an understatement if I ever heard one" she had whispered, longing for him to hold her, but knowing he wasn't going to do it, with Buffy and Giles still up in the house.   
Spike had lit a cigarette and Willow had noticed he still had the ring on. She had smiled and clutched the necklace she had been wearing, she'd put the ring there before arriving to Sunnydale, realizing she almost felt naked without it on her finger. She'd never took it off since he'd given it to her.   
"How are things going in...Chicago? It's where you live, right?" he had asked aloud  
~ Do you still jog in Central Park? ~ he had silently asked.  
"I'm in New York" she had said, smiling through the tears at the double conversation they had been having.  
~ Yes...and thanks for the sweater ~  
"Whatever" he had said aloud.  
~ You're most welcome, luv. ~  
"So how are things going in New York?" he had asked again.  
~ Does your right shoulder still hurt? ~ he had silently asked, referring to an accident she'd had six months before while fencing, still remembering how he'd felt her pain as if it had been his own.   
"Fine...is everything fine" she had whispered.   
~ Not much, it's just a little sore when it rains ~  
They'd kept in touch over the years, both through their link and more common means, yet the funeral had been the first time they'd seen each other for three years, since Willow hadn't been able to attend Xander and Anya's wedding.   
They both were alone, none of the relationships they'd tried to start with other people had lasted. Though they hadn't talked about it, they both knew no one could ever replace the other's place in their hearts. They both knew that what they shared was unique, but they knew as well, that they couldn't be together.  
"How is Xander?" he had asked.   
~ How are you? ~   
"Not good."  
~I feel like death warmed over, no offence...~  
Spike had shaken his head and had whispered, "None taken..."  
~ Hold me, please...~ she had silently begged.  
~ The Watcher is looking at us through the blinds...he's probably afraid I'll hurt you...~  
~ Yeah...I wasn't here when they disabled the chip...oh, scary, ugly vampire o' mine ~ she had said, teasing him. She hadn't been afraid of him, though.   
~ Ah, ah...Watcher's humor? ~ he had silently asked, amused.  
~ Nature's gift ~ she had dryly replied.  
Spike had looked around, then had taken her left hand in his and had lightly squeezed it. Willow had closed her eyes taking a deep breath before intertwining her fingers with his.  
~ You're not wearing the ring ~ he had silently said, trying to hide his disappointment.  
Willow had opened her eyes and had looked at him, shrugging  
~I took it off on the plane, I've it on my necklace...the one you sent me for Christmas last year. It was weird I'd never took it off before. ~  
Willow had noticed Spike had grinned at her words.  
~ I'm glad you're still wearing it ~ he had told her.  
~ and I'm glad you still wear yours. ~ she had replied a grin matching Spike's  
~ Always, Willow...always. ~ he had said, Willow had found herself in tears for the double meaning in his words.   
~ Always, Spike...always ~ she had silently echoed his words, before letting go of his hand. She had stood up and had returned the house, leaving him alone in the garden. When Spike had entered the house, Willow had already left.  
Now they were all together again, in a hospital's waiting room, waiting for Buffy and Giles' baby to be born.   
Willow was sitting next Joyce who was nervously biting her nails, Spike was pacing the room shaking his head and wondering aloud, why the hell did he care about all that. Xander was sitting on a chair near the window, apparently lost in thought. He'd grown thin in those months, a black beard covered his face. He was dressed in black from head to toe.   
"Spike will you quit pacing? You're driving us crazy" Xander quietly said. Spike stopped in his tracks, surprised to hear him, he hadn't said a single word since they'd gotten to the hospital.  
"Sure, mate..." Spike told sitting next to him. He looked at him, there were deep circles under his eyes and he was too pale.  
"Do you want something to eat?" Spike asked him. Xander looked at him surprised but shook his head and said, "I'm not hungry"  
"Look mate, you really look like shit...you've gotta eat something..." Spike said.  
Xander raised an eyebrow at him and hissed, "I. Am. Not. Hungry."  
~ Twinkies...ask him if he wants some Twinkies...~  
Willow silently suggested. Spike frowned and asked, "What about some Twinkies?"   
A shade of a smile crossed Xander's lips but it soon faded yet he said, "Alright..."  
"Good..." Spike said. He turned toward Willow and Joyce and asked, "You wanna something?"  
Both women shook their heads. Spike got up and left the waiting room. Xander shrugged and said, "It's almost scary...Spike is actually concerned for me..."  
"Well, he's not that bad" Joyce absently commented smiling.   
"Yeah...he even saved Buffy's life once or twice over the years" Xander said, he shook his head then added, "It must be love"  
"It must be w...what?" Willow asked blinking.  
"Don't tell me you don't know about it, Will. We all know he's in love with someone, though none of us know who she is " he closed his eyes, when he reopened them he said in a low voice, "Anya knew, though she never told me..."  
Willow shrugged, and looked at the door, waiting for news about the baby...and of course for Spike. She hid a smile when Spike returned in the waiting room handing Xander a pack of twinkies, noticing the weird look in the man's face.  
"What?" Spike asked looking at Xander.   
Xander almost smiled when he said, "We were talking about your secret affair"  
"My secret... what?" Spike asked trying his best not to turn and look at Willow  
"Spike, you've got to admit you've really changed. You willingly help the children" Joyce added smiling   
"Uhm...well...I made a kind of a promise to someone" he said without looking at them. He had promised Willow during their last week end together he would have helped the others. He had kept his promise, in the beginning just for Willow, then when the kids had saved his unlife from a powerful demon, risking their lives in order to do it, he'd begun being a real member of the Scooby Gang, even when the chip had been disabled he'd kept helping them.   
"Who made you promise to help us?" Xander asked surprised. He'd always wondered why Spike had helped them over the years.   
Spike sat on a chair, he didn't answer them, but he grazed his ring with his right hand's fingers, that didn't go unnoticed to Xander, who said, "I've always wondered where this ring came from"  
Spike looked at Willow, she smiled at him, he felt she was finally ready to talk. He opened his mouth and was about to talk when a tired, sweating, but grinning Giles entered the waiting room.  
They all stood up, forgetting what they were talking about and looked at the man, then Spike said, "So...are you gonna grin forever, mate?"  
"Roxanne Alexandra Will Giles, made her appearance twenty five minutes ago" Giles proudly said.   
"How is Buffy?" Joyce asked, wiping away tears from her eyes.  
"She is fine, though very tired. You'll be able to see her in a few minutes. They're taking our little girl to the nursery" he said smiling.   
"Little Alexandra..." Xander said, a light smile crept on his lips.  
"Little Will?" Spike and Willow said in unison looking at each other.  
Giles smiled at his friends and said, "Come with me I'll take you to the nursery."  
"Little Will" Spike repeated smiling  
~ You're a uncle, Spike...~  
Willow silently told him. She had been smiling, her tone had been a teasing one, yet Spike had sensed the sadness behind it. He knew how Willow loved children and how she'd given up on having them, though being still young.   
~I wish you...~   
He began while they were watching Buffy and Giles' beautiful baby. He felt Willow's hand on his waist, she was next to him. He turned and looked at her, she was smiling a sad smile, not caring about the others he put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him.  
~I wish we ...~ he silently repeated.  
~ Me too...~ she silently said leaning against him.   
"Me too" she finally whispered only for him to hear.   
-8-  
"May we come in?" Willow said entering Buffy's room with the others.   
"As if you need permission" Buffy replied. The Scooby Gang and Joyce gathered around Buffy's bed. Joyce looked at her daughter, who thanks to her slayer's fast healing didn't look at all like a woman who had had twelve hours of labor. She sat next to her and commented, "You're beautiful, honey "  
"I'm tired..." she said suppressing a yawn.   
"Duh, Buffy!" Willow said smiling, her previous sadness gone.   
"You know? I really missed ya, Will" Buffy wryly said. She looked at her friends and asked, "Did you see her?"   
"She is beautiful" they all said.   
Buffy couldn't help giggling, "Yeah...she's really beautiful..."  
They chatted for a while, even Xander seemed more happy they'd seen him in the last months. They stopped talking when Giles' entered the room, holding the baby. Buffy couldn't help the tears which welled in her eyes at the sight of her husband carrying their child. They'd purposely waited before conceiving a child. Now she wondered why they'd waited that long. Seeing her husband holding their child took her breath away. Giles sat next to her and carefully placed the baby in Buffy's arms. she looked up at her friends and happily said, "I'm a mom...can you believe it?"  
They all laughed, then almost in unison asked whether they could hold the baby. Joyce was the first, she looked at the baby and said, "She has your eyes, Rupert...but the gleaming in them, it's all Buffy's"  
They all chuckled at Joyce's words. The woman turned and expertly placed the baby in Willow's arms. The red-head beamed at the baby and whispered, "Hey, it's auntie Willow here...you're a very lucky baby girl, ya know?" she then whispered a prayer to her goddess, to protect the baby from any harm. She turned toward Spike and smiled at him. The vampire fought the lump in his throat at the sight of the woman he loved with a baby in her arms, he then turned toward Buffy and shyly asked, "May I?"   
Buffy and Giles exchanged a look then Buffy shrugged and said, "Of course...but remember Spike..."  
" I know...stake, big pile of dust yadda, yadda, yadda..." he said.   
They all chuckled at Spike's words. Willow placed the baby in Spike's arms, ignoring the sudden urge to cry. Their hands touched for a second.   
~I love ya...~ She silently said.  
~ Not as much as *I* love you ~ he silently replied.   
~ Wanna bet? ~ she silently replied.  
"Little Roxie, that's your uncle Spike" Willow softly whispered, kissing the baby's forehead. She stepped back and took a look at Spike holding the baby. She grazed the ring through the shirt .  
~ Life sucks...~ she silently told him.  
"Tell me about it..." Spike said without looking at her, he was smiling at the baby who was smiling back at him.  
"Tell you about what, Spike?" Xander who was beside him, asked.   
Spike raised his head surprised and blinked asking, "Did I say that out loud?"   
They all nodded at him, Spike just shrugged and said, "I was thinking out loud."   
He then turned toward Xander and placing the baby in his arms said, "Be careful mate..."  
Xander just nodded, holding the baby in his arms. He looked down at her. The baby looked back at him and lengthened a hand grabbing his beard. Something in Xander's heart melted then, he smiled at the baby and said in a cracked voice, "Welcome Roxie. This world is a mess, but never fear we'll protect you... "

 

THE END.


End file.
